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Muffie (killermuffin) wrote,
@ 2004-11-02 14:29:00
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    Current mood:annoyed
    Current music:Moaning Dog

    I've discovered an interesting factoid recently. Wallyhell cotton candy contains 57 calories per serving and 2 servings (thereabouts) per container. That translates to a bucket o' cotton candy at a total cost of 114 calories. One should note that total fat is 0 grams. So now I sit here pondering the "what does this mean" question.

    I've had quite some experience with this question recently. Most recently it was asked of: So shalt thou feed on Death, that feeds on men, / And Death once dead there's no more dying then. Apparently it means that Shakespeare is horny, but damn, what's a guy to do when every time you splooge (I like that word, heheheh) you shave some time off your life? It seems that in Elizabethan times, they thought that ejaculating meant sending some of your life essence winging away into the nether. Snark. We live in enlightened times now. You don't lose life points when you cum, you lose life points when you're too busy staring at the tin bikini on the barbarian babe so the orc can sneak up behind you and whack you one. Hm. I suppose that's no so different from the Elizabethan version of the little death.

    Is everything that feels and/or tastes good bad for you? Cum kills and cotton candy rots your teeth. Or something like that. I do know that in my house the average life expectancy for any piece of candy that is not carefully hidden is two hours. Five hours tops, because sometimes the Big Guy goes and plays poker. What the Big Guy doesn't gobble, the Bratchild will. And vice versa. I think the only thing that I can be sure will stick around for any length of time is spinach mushroom pizza and strawberry sugar wafers.

    I've developed a pattern of, erm, deception locally that leaves me feeling a bit unhappy about myself. I don't like hiding things, particularly food. We live next to a big field and while dogs bark a lot, they're simply not effective as a front line mouse deterrent and a build of arms becomes distinctly necessary. I'd rather keep a large bag of Hershey's Kisses in the refridgerator rather than concealed in a software box for my old calculus tutoring program. The Big Guy is allergic to calculus. It gives him hay fever.

    So what does it mean?

    It's a conflict, really, between guttony and dishonesty. Lies versus consuming hunger. Selfishness against selfishness. Can the rhetorical man's character can be broken by so simple a thing? Yes. It's often the little things, the simplest decisions that erode integrity. For want of a nail the war was lost and all that. How honorable a person am I? It depends on how you define honor, of course. We've been taught since the first grade that when you bring a treat to class, you bring enough for everyone or save it for lunch. As young children, when we have birthdays, siblings that are close in age are often handed presents as well. What about me? It's always Marsha, Marsha, Marsha! Jan Brady manifests itself through the id and we think only of "mine".

    So what does it mean?

    I think it means that I hoard cotton candy. I keep it on top of my CPU, hidden safely behind the CPU door, where the Bratchild never looks. It's sealed in a plastic container so General Field Mouse will have difficulties finding it, not that such things will stop him from sending in his advance scouts. It means that I buy a second container of cotton candy and a big bag of Laffy Taffy sometimes. It means that I wish these stupid cotton candy containers were more frickin' recycleable. You know, take 'em back to Wallyhell and have them refilled.



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