|Current mood:|| artistic|
|Current music:||the mars volta....dunno the name of it just got it...|
emotions are all to mysrerious to me
i feel so weird... i have all these guys that seem to like me.... some ive met and some i haven’t met... some of the people i am genuinely interested in..... like this guy named Brandon.... he seems like a REALLY awesome guy... and i really want to meet him... and then there is dustyn... im a little hesitant on that because i have seen him in action and the out come for both people was not a happy one.... and he sounds a little pre occupied to be interested in someone that is/was interested in him... he just needs to grow up a little and learn that peoples emotions are not there for his amusement... and then there is carl.... great guy... he has been there for me since the beginning and he really likes me and i went through a period of time where i would of done anything to be with him... i love him to death i really do.... but i just cant see my self with him... and i hate that because i feel like i filled him with a bunch of promises and now.... nothing... i mean we haven’t even talked about it.... eh all well... ah and then finally... jacob.... not so much that he likes me... i actually think i may creep him out... i have never even met this guy.... and ive never even seen him... cept in pictures... and i cant stop thinking about him.... he is incredible... i dont know why... he is so interesting and funny and very very very smart oh boy and he is the sexist thing i have ever seen... i swear... if johnny depp or davey havok and him all walked up to me and said i had to pick one of them.... i would absolutely with out a doubt pick jacob... i cant explain it... i feel creepy though... like the whole time i was "away from home" all i could think about was that i wanted to get home to talk to him... i swear it.... thats all i thought about... and some times i find myself sitting here for hours waiting for him to come on line..... and the fact that i have never seen him or actually heard his voice and that he lives on the opposite polar side of the us from me creeps me out even more...i just don’t know how it is possible to feel like your in love with someone.... if you’ve never even seen or met them.... ahhhh and the other night he came on line and said he felt weird and he was just telling me how he felt and everything and i felt really bad... i felt bad because he wasn’t happy... for some reason i was concerned about his well being... i mean i would even if i didn’t believe i was in love with him but after we were done talking i felt so....sad... because i knew that he wasn’t happy and that i couldn’t do anything about it... AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH > :( i dunno i feel stupid i guess that i feel like im in love with a GUY THAT I HAVENE EVEN MET!!!!!...well i just wanted to get that off my chest... and jacob if you ever decide to read this.... please dont be all freaked out... im just expressing how i feel inside... i would feel horrible if you were freaked out by tihs and stoped talking to me or something...i almost wish that you would tell me that i shouldnt feel this way and that it is wrong and that im just a fucking psycho... well not the last part... but i dunno..... im at a loss right now....
........ is it right, time