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Kaycoa La'ani Dayton (kaycoa_dayton) wrote,
@ 2003-08-29 12:15:00
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    Current mood: crushed
    Current music:Ataris ~ Boys of Summer

    I woke up this morning to the shrill ringing of my cell phone. It was my daily morning wake up call. I promtly ended the ringing and went back to sleep. Some time later it rang again. I looked at the phone willing it to turn off when I noticed the New York area code. I half expected it to be Andie, one of my parents or my sister, but it was something that I didn't want to hear.

    Good morning, this is to remind you that Joe and Kay have an anniversary today...

    I completely forgot to cancel that reminder, not that I needed it to begin with, but I just didn't want to be reminded of it. It was then that it finally hit me that another anniversary was here and I was alone yet again, but this time I knew there wasn't going to be a knocking on my door where he was standing on the other side. And that in a way, it was by my doing that it wasn't ever going to be like that again.

    That set my mood for pretty much the first part of the shoot. I didn't want anyone to touch me, be around me or even talk to me. I just wanted to be alone and sleep the rest of the day away so that tomorrow I could start over fresh pretending this day never happened.

    All that changed to a degree with Sam told us to take off for lunch. I walk the 3 blocks back to my hotel room and when I enter there were flowers and my favorite candies all around. For a split moment my heart skipped a beat thinking that he had remembered and done all this, but as I began to read the cards that accompanied the flowers, my heart fell. They weren't from him. They were from my brothers and parents. While I love them for doing that to try and keep me in good spirits... -shakes head- it didn't too much work. t only made me feel more alone.

    But I have to get out of this mood so that Sam isn't completely aggravated with me.

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