|Current mood:|| anxious|
|Current music:||Muse - Shrinking Universe|
It scares the hell out of me, and the end is all i can see...
Mmmm, yeah..You'll make us wanna die....I'd cut your name in my heart,, We'll destroy this world for you, i know you want me to!,
Space dementia in your eyes and Venus will arise and tear us apart and make us meaningless again
Jeeze i feel crappy, i feel so agitated and annoyed and depressive and at the same time blanknessss.
Today was boring and i decided to take the day off college simply because it feels pointless, ill just sit there and do nothing anyway, so i just did some work and stuff at home. I also played some guitar, i really want to get going with it because lately ive reached a barrier and im not getting any better. So ive been learning scales and stuff.
I posted an update when i had a bit to drink the other day that really showed how i feel but i foolishly deleted it. now i cant think up how i feel properly at this time. i feel so emtionally drained at the moment.
I truly have had a miserable year 2004, and 2005 isnt getting any better. ugh ill just end this now, i dont know what to think anymore. my faceparty says more ill just copy and paste it. just feel i cant get on with anyone properly anymore. I let down people all the time and when people ask me to go out places i usually say no or make up an excuse. i dont know why i do, maybe im just afraid of something. And i can tell u for a fact i never use to question myself over everything.i think up horrible things and worry about everything and i never use to. im so messed up and its so scary. Things are getting difficult now and my college work is extremely pressurising and it doesnt help ontop of all my worries. I also would really like to find someone i can well.. love. and recieve love back. I could really do with that right now. But i feel i cant connect with anyone anymore. and i feel so boring now.
anyways sorry for my post of stupidness its so pathetic really. but its just the way im feeling, and i just wanna be honest for once how i feel cos i cant keep it bottled up anymore.