|Current mood:|| sick|
|Current music:||Coheed and Cambria- Devil in Jersey City|
Sick to my stomach....
You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.
What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Today i woke up at like 9 o'clock and decided it was wayyyyy to early for me so i went back to sleep and woke up again at like 11:50 to a phone call from my aunt saying we were going into Jersey City.. So i had like 10 minutes to actually wake up and get ready... We get there and then everything became depressed... For once i wasnt depressed in the morning untill i walked into my grandmothers house.. As i walked through the front door all these memories that i hadnt thought about came back to me at once.. it was kinda freaky.. i didnt no whether to cry or be happy, thats how mixed the memories were...
I walked in the house and first saw my grandma.. its always good to see her because she still remembers me.. Then i see my grandpa.. To him im just some stranger off the street.. its weird i look at him and remember all the fun times i had with him the first 10 years of my life, but then he looks at me and has no clue who i am.. its so hurtful.. i know he isnt forgetting me purposely or because he doesnt like me.. its just because of the diease he has.. he has forgotten everything.. He isnt the same guy anymore..Seeing him caused me to realize how life goes by soooo fast... It feels like yesterday that i was a 4 year old kid sitting on my grandpa's lap looking out his window into his window.. Lucky for my grandpa he had a life before he got sick.. he raised 6 children, was around when his grandchildren where born and even helped raised me at the age of 61.. personally i think he did a damn good job stepping in for my father.. he was the best rolemodel i could ever ask for... But then i also realized...no one knows how long there gonna live.. and i know i dont wanna die not accomplishing any of my goals in life.. i wanna follow in my grandpa's foot steps.. i wanna live a long life.. But looking at myself i dont know why im still here..its like my life right now is nothing great.. actually its really bad.. I just wish i could go back to being 4 and being with my grandfather and enjoying life.. not having to worry about anything..I love my grandpa so much.. im literally gonna die the die that he passes away
i dont know what to do anymore.. is all the pain ive been through within the last year just a warning of worse things to come.. or is it the worst thing thats gonna happen to me and that in the future things are gonna get better.. idk if i can handle worse things to happen...