|Current mood:|| infuriated|
|Current music:||Linkin Park - From the Inside|
Fuck this. I've just about fucking had... I'm using this entry to vent out my anger. I don't care how many times I cuss, it's coming straight from my feelings.
I just can't deal with this shit anymore, my fucking limit has been surpassed. My fucking parents swear they have me tied around the neck by leash, and treat me like i'm nothing. Hell, my dad tells me i'm not worth a damn fucking thing.
How the fuck am I supposed to feel when my parents tell me I'm nothing and that they're embarrassed to call me their son? Just shoot me. I can only take so much, mom and dad... I shouldn't even be calling you that. It's more like Slave Master #1 and 2. I can't even bear to listen to them without feeling like I'm being held in a fucking mentally deficient prison.
They just started coming at me for the way I dress and what-not. I'm like WHAT THE FUCK, WHY ARE YOU IN MY ROOM LOOKING AT MY THINGS. They're talking about throwing out my clothes and my dad said he was gonna give my computer away if I didn't do so. Ok, that just totally set me off. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have music right now or if Megan weren't around to let me know she has gone through the same.
I can't begin to describe the anger that's running inside of me, it's unnatural. I just about gave up on life for a second there... maybe I suck at it. It makes me sick when I see families getting along and having perfect family dinners and parents who respect what their children like. I'm not afraid to say it. I envy those families. It's something I've longed for, to have a decent relationship with my parents but it seems to get progressively worse with the years.
The adrenaline running through me is more than enough to guarantee Headline News about an "angsty teen" who murdered his parents on a cold winter night. I had a sudden rush of tears...from anger, but they were stopped at the gates of my eye-lids. I'm amazed that I haven't done anything severe yet. You guys don't know this since I haven't said anything about it, but I fucking cut myself now. Yeah, I CUT MYSELF. I could care less, I have a hunger for pain all of a sudden. It's better than the pain my parents put me through.
The only thing keeping me from ending it all is the hope of a better future, and the reminder that there are certain people I have to live for. If it weren't for hope or the people I love, life wouldn't be worthwhile as things stand right now. On a day where nearly everything went the right way, a sudden strike of aggression spills blood and spoils the rest. I just want to get away from this fucking shit once and for all. I want to find a place where people will treat me how I deserve to be treated: LIKE A HUMAN BEING.
This house is slowly, but surely leading me into my casket... leading me into the mental institution...leading me into a place where even convicted criminals are better off. What this place is, I don't know, but sadly, that's where I'm headed at this pace. I don't FUCKING know. My douche-bag parents should be deprived of their right to be called "parents".
Fuck, I don't know what'll happen after the dust settles, and all has ended. I may be gone (for those that care), I may do something I never imagined myself doing, or maybe...just maybe, hope will live up to it's name and everything will turn out fine.
All I have is hope and a safe-haven in my heart for the ones I love. Those are my only non-physical weapons (not including my words).
Things aren't looking too good, a snow-covered street might turn into a bloody mess and the air may fill with sirens. I'm one fucked individual right now. I just don't know what to do anymore, I've tried it all. I'm trapped.
F*U*C*K Y*O*U "Mom and Dad" You never gave me anything to live for, rather you gave me a reason not to live. I fucking hate you sad excuses for parents. HATE, yeah it's a four-letter word. EAT IT. I always thought you people would eventually change, and realize the error of your ways. It's too late now. You primates are nothing but slave-drivers. Keep my sister, she's the "perfect" child. I'm nothing compared to her. Give her your fucking love and sympathy. Leave me out in the cold. Let me bite the dust. In the end, it's your asses that are gonna' get raped in a butt-sex free way.
I fucking suck at life right? I'm useless, right mom and dad?
Don't talk you fucking hypocrites.
If only you knew how to do your job, everything could be so much better. Instead, it's everything I feared and MORE. Sure, I'm not perfect. But who is? You make me out to be a monster/disgrace/useless piece of trash. You break me into pieces, stomp on me and burn me along with the other crap in your lives. I'm obscured behind your envisionment of the perfect child, which you proclaim to be my sister.
Apparently, I'm just not worth a damn.
This entry is not only for me, but for every kid who ever had/has to go through this bullshit. We shouldn't just take this shit and not speak up about it. It's an epidemic in American society today. It's fucking sad. I know I'm not gonna' allow two Dicks to make the rest of my life miserable. Fight for your feelings and rights as a teen under your parents household. Let them hear it. I'm tired of this shit.
I'm not asking you to do anything extreme, I'm just asking those of you who have this problem to take a stand, don't let them push you around like you're a nobody. I'm not letting my parents get the best of me anymore.
Tomorrow isn't looking too good, I live in the now. I'm doing something now so I'll be better off later.
Mom...Dad... you just lost your only son.