| Current music: | Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow |
I'm so bitter and full of hate sometimes.
He IMed me saying a bunch of crap about how sorry he was, and how he wished he'd never hurt me. I said a few things and he pissed me off so I closed the window. This is the only part I kept.
O123456sic678: why hate?
NerdyAngel15: because I"m finally getting to the point where I never think about you
O123456sic678: heheh sorry...well its good to at least chat with ya again
NerdyAngel15: I guess so
NerdyAngel15: are you still with that one girl?
O123456sic678: soo...how have you been?
O123456sic678: heeheh no long story short i didnt like her too much
NerdyAngel15: that's weird
NerdyAngel15: I could have sworn you loved her
NerdyAngel15: anyway, I'm alright
NerdyAngel15: how have you been?
O123456sic678: shittty but thats my life
NerdyAngel15: yeah I remember
O123456sic678: lost my job all my money my car and a bit o friendly people i woulda liked to have kept around
O123456sic678: all cuz of her
NerdyAngel15: ah, well that sucks
O123456sic678: yeah more than ya kno
O123456sic678: she was a bitch
NerdyAngel15: I'll bet she was fun though
O123456sic678: nope not really heheh
O123456sic678: completely my opposite
NerdyAngel15: why were you with her so long then?
O123456sic678: wasnt that long
O123456sic678: my friends told me not too but im stubborn
NerdyAngel15: yeah, I remember
O123456sic678: yesh
O123456sic678: so whats goin on you found a guy?
NerdyAngel15: yeah
O123456sic678: name?
NerdyAngel15: Ryan
O123456sic678: so tell me bout him?
NerdyAngel15: what do youw ant to know?
O123456sic678: anything
O123456sic678: is he good to you?
NerdyAngel15: yeah
O123456sic678: good how long ya been together
NerdyAngel15: 2 months
O123456sic678: drugs?
NerdyAngel15: he smokes cigarettes. That's all.
O123456sic678: i thought u hated that
NerdyAngel15: I do normally, but it doesn't bother me so much with him.
O123456sic678: just be careful i dont like guys like that
NerdyAngel15: I don't like guys like you and I'm talking to you
NerdyAngel15: I guess I could've been more careful, though, huh?
O123456sic678: hey hey guys like me?
NerdyAngel15: sorry I'll be nicer
O123456sic678: harsh
NerdyAngel15: hey, I've got a question but you have to promise you'll answer
NerdyAngel15: there's nothing here to be ruined anymore, so it's alright if you're completely honest with me now
O123456sic678: k i would be honest either way
O123456sic678: shoot
NerdyAngel15: yeah I'm sure
O123456sic678: :(
O123456sic678: go
NerdyAngel15: why didn't you just tell me you wanted to be with someone else?
NerdyAngel15: instead of just dragging it out and killing me that way
O123456sic678: to tell you the truth i didnt mean to really start anything with her but it happened i lost a lot of people by being with her im sorry i didnt tell you part of me wishes you had never found out but i cant change the past all i can say is i hope we can still talk
NerdyAngel15: still, you didn't call me or even attempt to contact me for months
NerdyAngel15: you have no idea how worried I was
NerdyAngel15: you could have died and I would have never known
NerdyAngel15: I'm not meaning to be a bitch, but you really did kill me
NerdyAngel15: I know it would have never worked out anyway, but I still loved you
NerdyAngel15: or, I cared about you at least
NerdyAngel15: alright, I'm sorry, I know you said you're sorry
NerdyAngel15: as long as you know I wouldn't have been like this a few months ago
NerdyAngel15: or so much like this at least
NerdyAngel15: another question though
NerdyAngel15: did you ever really love me? Because if you could say those things about her and not realyl mean it then surely you could say them about me and not really mean it
NerdyAngel15: it's a yes or no questions
NerdyAngel15: question*
NerdyAngel15: I know you're thinking you don't need this right now, but I do
NerdyAngel15: if you'd just answer me I wouldn't hate you as much as I do right now
NerdyAngel15: no matter what you say
NerdyAngel15: just fucking talk to me, jesus christ
NerdyAngel15: alright fine, I'll calm down, don't answer my questions, let's just talk
NerdyAngel15: please?
NerdyAngel15: you really had to have known I would be mad
NerdyAngel15: alright, fine if you aren't going to talk to me anyway, I"m going to tell you what I really think
NerdyAngel15: you run away too much
NerdyAngel15: you're so afraid of not making people happy you just don't answer them, which really just screws everyone over in the end
NerdyAngel15: that's endearing, but not when you're doing it to me
NerdyAngel15: you let people fall absolutely in love with you because you can, and then you screw them over... you pride yourself on being some sort of a nice guy and you're not
NerdyAngel15: but you are
NerdyAngel15: I know you're an amazing person under all of this crap you put on
NerdyAngel15: and I wish you'd just talk to me right now
O123456sic678: sorry had to do some stuff real quick sorry
NerdyAngel15: yeah okay
O123456sic678: damn ok had top catch up on that one sided convo
O123456sic678: to*
NerdyAngel15: well you should really tell peoplw hen you're going to leave
O123456sic678: yes i did love you i really loved you
O123456sic678: im sowwy
O123456sic678: i brb i gotta play band beer pong real quick
O123456sic678: :-)
NerdyAngel15: yeah I was wrong, I hate you
O123456sic678: i really am a nice guy though im just not so smart
O123456sic678: why?
NerdyAngel15: you're really not who I thought you were at all
Auto response from O123456sic678: i tried.....
NerdyAngel15: it's alright though, I'm glad we did this
O123456sic678: whatever ur different now
O123456sic678: peace
NerdyAngel15: I think I have a right to be different to you now
NerdyAngel15: did you expectme to just be happy and cheery and clear up all your problems?
O123456sic678: as i remember i was the one clearin uyp your problems
NerdyAngel15: it's not my fault you never really talked to me
O123456sic678: its not my fault you choose to be a bitch right now
NerdyAngel15: did you honestly think I wouldn't be mad?
and then he went away and stopped talking to me. I hate him so much. I can't believe I ever even thought I loved him. Ever. I hate myself for it.
Dedra and I went back to the laundromat today. We have a lot of crap to do tomorrow in preparation for My Ryan's arrival. Today we saw about a billion babies and everytime I said "aww, I want a baby!" and then I thought about it and shook my head. Sometimes I wish I could tell everyone how amazing my boyfriend really is. whoah, whoah, whoah... did you know that my throat is so sore from laughing so hard today. I love Stephanie and Dedra, and if I could live there I would. I so completely would. I hate it when Dedra says Ryan reminds her of Michael because he doesn't. Michael's a creepy weirdo. Ryan's a hot weirdo. It's just because they're both tall and thin. That's all. I'd shoot myself in the head right now if I didn't know he was coming down tomorrow night. Or maybe I might anyway (?). No, not really, but sometimes I still feel like it. I hate being a hypocrite, but who doesn't? Everyone hates themselves a little bit at least. Except for maybe Stephanie because she's wonderful. Dedra will always say that Christina's her best friend and Jenna will always say that she doesn't really have a best friend and I will always be second. Always. no matter who or what, I will always be second. I really wish I could not be mad right now but I'm afraid I'm in hate with everyone. I'm so sick of only being able to take my frustrations out on people who couldn't care less. And I'm sick of not being able to be truthful with everyone because I'm so afraid of what they will think. I'm tired of trying not to hurt people just because I hate it when people hurt me. Although I'm sick of talking about Christina behind her back because I hate it and I'm starting to miss her. And I quit now.
(Read comments)
|
