| Current mood: | sick |
| Current music: | mb20- Hang |
I told Dedra about my weekend, although I didn’t think I would. We sat alone in the Laundromat, playing Egyptian Rat Screw eating chili cheese fries that I couldn’t finish and singing stupid songs loudly. We wrapped wet paper towels around our necks to beat the heat while we folded her four loads of clothes. Her bed is finally clear, but there are still a lot of dirty clothes in her floor. We came back to my house and took showers since we were sweaty and her water heater is broken. I listened to Matchbox 20 while I waited on her and it made me remember how much I love them. And I love them so much. She skipped her volleyball game to hang out with me, which I think is pretty lovely. We went to Stage and I tried on a dress that I love, but my legs are too ugly to pull it off. I don’t have money anyway. A homeless lady told me she was sick and asked if I had any money to help her get across town to the hospital. I hated telling her no, but I really am completely broke. Actually, I’m not but I have no money to spare, since I owe my mom about $450. I still hate saying that, though… at least I have a place to live. And a vehicle. And everything else. My mom called, sounding steamed, while I was at Wal-Mart. I left her a message telling her where I would be, but she never checks her messages so she didn’t know. She was also mad because I hadn’t cleaned the house at all. When I said “I’m sorry,” Dedra said “Don’t say it so rude!” Really, it made me mad. I hate it when people tell me what to do(or how to do what I’m doing.) We bought cotton candy, but I couldn’t really eat much of it. I don’t know whether I’m sick or just going through withdrawal. I miss my baby like mad. I just keep expecting someone to touch me. I know it’s only a few days until I see him again, but I hate waiting. I stole Dedra’s new sugar scrub since she’s showering at my house now. I had to go to Melba’s birthday party at 7. I hate that house, and even though we were outside, it was just as bad. Especially since there was nowhere to run away to. I hate being around so many people. I wish people didn’t ask me questions too. Everyone probably thinks I’m retarded or something because it always takes me awhile to answer. I just hate talking to people. I wish people could read my mind sometimes, but that would probably be more dangerous than anything. I think too much about things I shouldn’t, at times that I definitely shouldn’t.
she grabs her magazines
she packs her things and she goes
she leaves the pictures hanging on the wall
she burns all her notes
she knows, she's been here too few years to feel this old
He smokes his cigarette
he stays outside 'til it's gone.
if anybody ever had a heart
well, he wouldn't alone.
he knows, he's been here too few years to be gone.
And we always say, it would be good to go away someday
yeah but if there's nothing there to make things change
if it's the same for you, I'll just hang.
The trouble understand is she got reasons, he don't
funny how I couldn't see at all,
until she grabbed up her coat
and she goes, she's been here too few years to take it all in stride.
yeah, well still it's much too long
to let her go
And we always say, it would be good to go away someday
yeah but if there's nothing there to make things change
if it's the same for you, I'll just hang.
the same for you, I'll always hang
well I always say it would be good to go away
but if things don't work out like we think,
and there's nothing there to ease this aching,
and there's nothing there to make things change,
if it's the same for you, I'll just hang.
I wish I were a little kid again. Last night Jenna and I were outside playing on the hammock and the little girl next door, Jada, came over to play with us. She’s five and likes to play tag. After she tagged Jenna, they ran around for at least thirty minutes, Jenna yelling “I’m gonna catchoo!” And Jada replying every time with “Ooooh, no you’re not!” I can’t even remember what it feels like to have so much fun just running. We made Jenna come in when it got dark and she was so tired she was coughing.
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