| Current music: | Third eye blind- I want you |
You love me. Remember that.
My Jenna's getting bigger and I don't know how to handle it. I've got ugly painful bug bites and I want them to go away. I hate memorial day because it makes me think about how quickly I can lose people that I love. And when I go to cemetaries, I like to look for young people's graves, and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I like to be reminded of the way that my life could end at any second. No one is promised to live forever. I like the feeling I get being around everyone elses memories though. I like to pretend I know people that I don't. I hate thinking of my grandma's body rotting underground though. I hate thinking of Jarrod's body doing the same. I've known way too many Jarred's (jarrod, jared, jarod, however you want to spell it). Seven at least. I'm in love, but I don't know if love is in me. I want to find more people that intrigue me the way that you three do. I want more quirky, offbeat friends. I want large amounts of money and less people to spend it on. I want to make a baby and give it away so i can find it later. I need the drama, the pain, the joy. I say I'm against abortion but I'd probably have one if I needed to. It's the classic case of "I don't want to, but if I have to..." well, maybe not so classic but that's not the point. The point is I'll never hold to anything I say, so be careful while believing me.
And I wish I could have the talent that my family believes I have. They're way too confident in me. And there's this feeling that I'm going to screw up real soon. I'm always screwing up though, so it probably doesn't really matter. Except it does because I hate not being able to do things just because people tell me to do them. I hate that mentality in other people, so why have I adopted it for myself? I hate everyone, but still I imitate them all. And now that I've filled this full of crap that I hate I think it's time to stop.
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