Ruts and rants
I need some stimulation. The weather is in a rut; I'M in a rut - partially due to the weather. To restate the exact same thing I wrote the last time the clouds really got to me, when it's cool and cloudy, I feel incapable of doing anything; I just shut down. I get in this dreary mood where I feel phsyically and mentally exhausted and I don't want to do anything, yet at the same time I can't STAND not having anything to do! It drives me crazy. I had to almost force myself to go hang out with Ben and Rebecca last night - but once I did, it was pretty fun. It's just taking that first step out of my idleness that's the hard part - something that isn't difficult at all when it's warm and sunny.
When have to turn down plans or put errands on hold, most people explain their reasons by saying "I can't today, I have to do this or that instead" or "tomorrow would be better for me, I was up really late last night". What do I say? "I'm going to wait until it's sunny." And not just for outdoor activities, but even things like cleaning my room or picking something up at the mall, basically anything involving departure from my house; it's ridiculous.
It's like I'm solar-powered or something; a week of overcast days leaves me empty and powerless. Even right now, I'm sitting at the computer with my space heater on full blast, staring blankly at the screen with my head tipping to one side and my eyes drooping. Pathetic.
But isn't it frustrating dragging along with no sunshine for such extended periods of time, clouds day after day after gloomy day?? Seems like enough to get ANYONE a little down. Thinking in biological terms, isn't it natural for human beings to prefer a little sunshine over dreariness and, even more so, warmth over cold??
Ironically though, I do love thunderstorms. I suppose the great roars and crackles of thunder provide fantastic stimulation; and storms definitely lack the lifelessness of those drab, insipid gray days.
Man, even the faint sound of a neighbors lawn mower has just inspired me to perk up slightly. So while seemingly insignificant down-shifts in the condition my environment leave me unbelievably drained of life, equally as small changes for the better spark my energy right back up again. Bipolarity, what fun!
Obviously, I'm being a little overdramatic for effect, and it wouldn't be such a harsh experience to weather the weather if I didn't dwell on my frustration :) Getting my mind off of it actually disguises me as a normal person, which brings us to the bigger problem: Nothing seems fun. There are only so many good movies out there to be seen, and, while I'd LOVE to go to Dairy Queen or TCBY or La Casa or Applebee's or Yama or Casa three times a day every day, it can't be done... or at least SHOULDN'T be done :) It just seems we so quickly exhaust our resources of enjoyable entertainment, leading to my aforementioned RUT. And sometimes it seems as though I'm the most easily bored one of my friends... yet on other, PRETTIER days, I occasionally feel annoyed that no one seems to share my spirit and spunk. Hmm...
I am led to believe that, cycling back to my weather issues, summery conditions are key in getting me to spring into action - even towards activities that have been played out. So maybe lack of sun also inhibits my enjoyment receptors or something, leaving bright days to over stimulate them - hence my mania, enthusiasm, and endless supplies of energy in the summer.
I'm turning into a scientific/psychological study.
Stay tuned for a normal, friendly entry later :)
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