| Current mood: |  moody |
| Current music: | Portishead - Revenge Of The Number |
This is the most stressed out I've been since getting ready for our last tour. I don't mind being busy. I love to work, if anything I go crazy without it. It's the not knowing that's really starting to bug me. I'm scared about Jo and how her back's going to heal. It sounds bad and all our managers care about is how it'll affect the promotion. I have felt like walking out on our record company so many times this month and never looking back. We don't really need this shit. We have a new album coming out this month in the UK and Canada, then our first album since "7" coming out in the U.S. in December. Of course we're excited about that but our people are psychotic about it. If they're even thinking about putting Jo to work before she's ready I'm tearing someone a new asshole. I need to fucking relax. I think I'll call Paul.
I try to put myself in his shoes sometimes when I'm justifying why he left the band. Times like these I can understand it. But when we're on stage or talking to fans I can't really. I have all the respect in the world for him for being able to do it. Even if I wanted to leave I don't think I'd be brave enough to. It feels as if there are so many people counting on us who've put so much on the line. Even if all they see when they look at us is dollar signs. There are the fans too. All they know is that our music makes them feel something. I keep telling myself that's worth it. But the more we get into this the more the business aspect starts to take over. It's unnerving. It's complicated. And the fans don't know or give a shit about that part. If we broke up they'd feel let down. That's enough for me.
I'm going to make new icons. That'll calm my nerves. This was a rare update which was more about myself than it was Alex. Don't get used to it, or the correct punctuation. That tends to happen when I'm angry.
EDIT: This is me in drag.
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