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Jill (jillybean) wrote,
@ 2003-02-01 15:01:00
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    Current mood:confused

    ¸¸.•´¨`»¸¸.•´¨`»My Feelings n Thoughtz,,,you dun hafta read..¸¸.•´¨`»¸¸.•´¨`»

    ¸¸.•´¨`»¸¸.•´¨`»Allo Everyone!¸¸.•´¨`»¸¸.•´¨`»

    Before i even start..i just wanna say that this isn*t a normal entry of*z not about my day..its about everything in my if you dun wanna read..then don*t.

    Wow, i wish there wuz one entry that i can put in here when everything is fine, and i*m just plain happie! But nope...i guess that*z just how it iz...something*z alway*z wrong with me. n sicne his is a journal, for now on, i*m gonna put everything i feel, and if sumone doesn*t like it..they can simply not read it, cuz i dunno i think it helps to put my thoughts and feeling*z out in the open...that way i wont have any lie*z, or anything like that.

    ¸¸.•´¨`»¸¸.•´¨`»Thought*z n Worrie*z¸¸.•´¨`»¸¸.•´¨`»

    *well hmm it*s pretty sad when I hafta think really hard for positive thing*z in my life! but yea...hmm well i got lots of friendz i guess....but for some weird reason...i feel like they all hate me? i dunno why! It*z pretty gay! I feel like i*m kinda losin` touch with my one best friend :( I dunno why..i just feel like we*re losin` we*re fallin` apart..i dunno feel*z like we hardly talk yeah...With another one of my nbest friendz...well there*z sumthing feels like we*re getting closer!! yay! With another friend...well i know we had shit going on yesterday...n i*m not gonna say anyone*z name, but if your reading this...i just wanna say sorrie for everything...n i hope we can remain as *tight* as we were before all hell broke lose...sorrie. :(

    More thing*z bugging me with friend*z are I dun trust anyone anymore. I know that sum block me sometime*z?! infact i know of one that*z got me on block right now as i*m writing this. they dunno that...but noone know*z the thing*z i know man. People who i thought i could trust are backstabbing asshole*z. but that*s not all people. i also know SO many people that i have said my personnal thought*z to..go off and fucking tell other people them. like wtf iz that?! i can*t trust anyone anymore man i tell ya?! i know lots of people who stab me in the back everyday n talk behind my back. n you know wut...maybe i should tell them i know wut their doing...but ya know..i just don*t wanna enbarrouse them or wutever. but man the things i know about sum of my it just hurt*z. [n i just wanna make this clear...that not all of my friend*z are backstabbing jerks]

    Well my mom came home yesterday, n she said that her job isn*t holding up right she thinks that she*z gonna be laid off really soon. But yeah...that mean*z we*re moving. i still wanna move...get the fuck away from everybody! leave everything! i just think it would free me from all this shit that*z going through my head!? n*s just really gay...i dunno why i think the way i do..but i can*t help the way i feel at all! N i feel like i*ve betrayed everyone...n i feel like i*ve changed alot ever since highschool started, i*ve feel like i*ve changed for the worse. Like i*ve become the worst person an worst friend! i try to help people with their problem*z n everything..but i can*t when shit*z happening in my own life. n i can*t hold anything*z just i dunno! is sumthing wrong with me?! am i the only person feeling so shitty like this?! hmph...i also feel that if i move away...everybody would be so much better off. i dunno why i feel this way though...i dunno my head iz hurting from thinking too much! I*m sick of lying, and i*m sick of holding things in all the time, and i wanna just be free? ya know?! man this ain*t making sence! oh well! SO yeah that*s gotta lot of shit on me...cause friend*z are just so important to me..they are the people who help me through everyone..n now that i know i can*t trust them....wuts gonna happen?!

    Well this entry has been just a load off of me...i dunno why..just all that shit*z inside me...n maybe just letting it out...made me feel a bunch better. sorrie for everyone that had to read this. But this is a journal..n thats where my feelings n thoughts go..

    <3 Jill

    ¸¸.•´¨`»¸¸.•´¨`»Buh byez¸¸.•´¨`»¸¸.•´¨`»

    Well today I*m babysitting right now...but after i got baseball practice unfortuanately for 2 hour*z...i really don*t wanna go...i*m just not in the moood! after that i *m going to the movie*z with people*z to see Final Destination 2 That should be cool...

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