| Current mood: |  crushed |
| Current music: | Sugarcult "Over" |
YOU SAY WERE JUST FRIENDS, WERE PLAYING PRETEND.
TUESDAY AFTER SCHOOL I WAS SUPPOSE TO GO TO THE E-MALL WITH JESS & BRYT, BUT I WANTED TO REALLY SEE KYLE SO I WENT ON INSTEAD. I WAS AT THE END OF ARBORWOOD WITH JESS & BRYT AND THE BUS WAS AT THE CORNER SO I RAN IN FRONT OF TRAFFIC JUST TO NOT MISS IT. I WAS ALMOST TO KYLE'S HOUSE WHEN COPS PULLED TO THE SIDE AND ASKED IF I WAS OKAY AND IF I WAS WITH A GUY WHO WAS LIKE WAY BEHIND ME. I SAID "NO" AND THEY PULLED AWAY. I STARTED WALKING AND THAT GUY ASKED ME IF THE COPS WERE TALKING TO ME ABOUT HIM AND WE STARTED TALKING AND IT JUST SO HAPPENS HE LIVES ACROSS THE STREET FROM KYLE. I RANG KYLE'S DOORBELL, BUT NO ONE ANSWERED AND I FIGURED THAT HE WAS HOME BECAUSE I HEARD THE TV. JAY CAME OVER TO TALK TO ME AND THEN HE ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO BUY PILLS OFF OF HIM, BUT I SAID NO. LATER HIS MOM CAME HOME AND SHE LET ME THERE AND KYLE WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME. HE DIDNT REALLY WANT TO TALK TO ME, BUT WE TALKED ANYWAY. WE ALWAYS END UP TALKING. HE SAID THAT I WAS TOO YOUNG OR SOME SHIT. THATS WHY HE DOESNT WANT TO BE WITH ME. LATER WE SAT AROUND AND WATCHED TV AND WHEN HE WAS ABOUT TO GO TO BED, HE TOLD ME TO BRING MY STUFF INTO HIS ROOM. HIS FRIEND AMANDA CALLED AND I SAT ON THE FLOOR WAITING FOR HIM TO GET OFF. AFTER HE GOT OFF THE PHONE, HE TOLD ME TO COME LAY IN BED WITH HIM SO HE CAME OVER, PICKED ME UP AND PUT ME IN HIS BED. WE TALKED AND I SAID THAT I STILL DID LIKE HIM, BUT HE SAID HE ONLY WANTED TO BE FRIENDS. I GOT HURT SO I ASKED HIM IF I COULD CALL A CAB SO I COULD GO HOME, BUT HE SAID THAT I COULDNT GO. HE WANTED ME THERE WITH HIM SO HE WOULDNT BE LONELY. I KEPT PUSHING FOR IT, BUT HE JUST WOULDNT LET ME. HE KEPT PUTTING HIS ARMS AROUND ME, HUGGING ME, AND TRYING TO KISS ME. HE TOLD ME THAT HES LIKED JESS FOR A WHILE AND THAT REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS. I DONT KNOW IF HE WAS LYING OR NOT, BUT HE SOUNDED SERIOUS. I WILL NEVER FORGET HIM SAYING THAT. I JUST WENT TO SLEEP BESIDE HIM THINKING "THIS IS SO MESSED UP." HE GOT UP BEFORE ME AND THEN I GOT UP 20 MINUTES AFTER HE DID. HE WAS DOING LAUNDRY OR SOMETHING AND I CAME OUT AND TOLD HIM GOOD MORNING AND HE TOLD ME GOOD MORNING. HE WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT THE WEATHER THAT HE INSISTED THAT WE GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY IN IT. WE PLAYED SOCCER AND I GOT IT AWAY FROM HIM A COUPLE OF TIMES, BUT HE KEPT KICKING IT AT ME, WHICH HURT. IT WENT OVER THE FENCE SO I TRIED TO GET IT AND HE PUSHED ME, I FLIPPED AND LANDED ON MY BACK. LATER HE STARTED THROWING ROCKS AT ME SO I THREW THEM BACK. EVERYTIME I WOULD GET MAD AND STORM OFF HE WOULD RUN AFTER ME AND HUG ME AND SAY SORRY. LATER HE TOLD ME WE HAD TO HAVE A PICNIC OUTSIDE SO HE MADE HOT DOGS FOR US AND WE ATE OUTSIDE. LATER WE WENT TO BLAKE'S HOUSE AND ON THE WAY HE THREW PAINTBALLS AT ME. THEN WE WENT IN BLAKE'S BASEMENT AND PLAYED A VIDEO GAME. I PLAYED AND I WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD AT IT. WE WENT BACK TO KYLE'S CARRYING HORSE SHOES AND WE WAITED FOR BLAKE TO COME PICK US UP. WE WENT TO THEIR FRIENDS SO THEY COULD GET A BLUNT AND THEN WE WENT BACK TO KYLE'S. THEY SMOKED AND THEN PLAYED HORSE SHOES. LATER BLAKE LEFT AND I HAD TO GO BECAUSE HIS MOM WAS COMING HOME. I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE BECAUSE I KNOW I PROBABLY WONT SEE HIM FOR A WHILE. HE WANTED TO GO TO THE MALL TODAY TO GET SHOES, BUT HE DOESNT HAVE A RIDE OR WHATEVER.
ITS HARD TO SAY, BUT I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH HIM AND I HATE IT. ITS SO HARD TO BE FRIENDS WITH HIM WHEN YOU WANT TO BE MORE. HE WAS EVERYTHING I WANTED, BUT NOW I THINK IM JUST HOLDING ON BECAUSE OF THE PERSON HE ONCE WAS. I MISS THAT SWEETHEART ♥
ILOVEYOU =(
♥ Sue.
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