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jer (jeremy443) wrote,
@ 2003-09-15 22:05:00
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    Current mood: blank
    Current music:endo- clean sheets

    nothing to do
    i haven't really slept in two days........ i actually fell sleep last night for about a hour but i had a really bad nightmare. I was at lynseys house and everything was cool, her parents went someplace and it was just me and her. she asked me to go down stairs with her to do something on the computer and i was sitting at the computer and she walk behind me and took a baseball bat and hit me on the back of my head. I came too and i was tied up and she was yelling at me crying, telling me how much i fucked her up and how she hated me and we went and she got a gun and pointed it at me and i tried to get her to stop and she shoot me in the head. after that i woke up and i couldn't get back to sleep. i don't know why i do the things i do. i honestly don't. it scares me sometimes......... i don't mean to hurt anyone or fuck anything up but i do everytime. my mom doesn't want me to die but she makes me feel like shit. she makes me feel really bad that i didn't go trough with it. I think staying here hurts more then dieng. i get sick and really depressed when i am around her but i can't leave and i want to so bad, i want to leave and never look back. jus forget about everything and everyone but i can't. is it not enought hat i have to live this life that have i have to have any one and everyone make me feel like shit. and people don't have to say anything or do anything i can just be in a room with htem and they can make me feel like shit. it is like a am afraid of people. i am so afraid of getting hurt that i end up hurting someone that doesn't deserve it and i do it on accident and i try to apologize and they spit in my face. i just don't know anymore, things are getting worse instead of better and there is nothing i can do. i wish God would come and explain why he is fucking with me. Why he gives me things and when i get used to haveing them around he takes them away from me.

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