| Current mood: |  lonely |
| Current music: | John Mayer - Your Body Is A Wonderland |
home is where my heart is
*looks around the empty hotel room and sighs, turning back to the laptop* Knoxville...wonderful. Is it wrong for me to wish I weren't here? I mean, this is a good cause...a children's hospital...and I need to start getting out there before my album drops, but...I miss my family. What am I going to do when Chris goes on tour in a little less than 2 weeks? *sighs softly*
Sometimes I get to thinking that maybe I should just get out of the business now. I have three children to think about, and a husband, but this is me. This is what I'm meant to do, right? I just...I hate the fact that I'm just starting my solo career, yet I already have 10 or more restraining orders on people at the moment. I hate the fact that my little girl wakes up in the middle of the night with nightmares about stalkers. I hate the fact that I cringe everytime I hear my name being called from behind me. Don't get me wrong, I love my job...more than anything, but I'm just at a point where I'm wondering if it's what's best for my family.
If I could do this, and things were laid-back...like Chris...I wouldn't have any reservations whatsoever. But Chris' fans are different. They respect him more. I'm not trying to say none of my fans respect me, that's not the case in the least, but just...those few bad apples have rot the whole bunch, if you mind my metaphor. And honestly, I'm afraid of who will be here tomorrow. Not to mention that I'm nervous about being on stage alone...without the guys. I guess I'm just...going through one of those phases...where I'm not sure if I'm doing what's right for me and my family.
I've been laying in that damn hotel bed for hours now, just staring up at the cieling. Everything's so unfamiliar. I feel like I'm in a different world. How did I do it when we were on tour for almost 3 years straight with barely any break? But tomorrow, despite my fatigue, and my lonliness, and my longing to be with them, I have to put on a fake smile and greet everyone as if they're the ones I care about the most. How do we keep finding it within ourselves?
I hate being away. I hate it more than anything. *sighs, clicking update and flipping the TV on*
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