VENTING
Alright its been awhile since i just wrote in here...well not that long but for me it seems as a life time i guess its alright things have been so so nothing wrong but nothing great either. I know it can get worse and most likely will so im not going to waste my time complaining over something that has not happened yet. I guess things with me and nate are iffy on my end...i dont even want to ride in the car with him anymore because if i end up making him mad while hes driving he almost kills me in the car and i cant tell you how mad that makes me seriously i just want to blast him in his face so hard his nose will break in 20 places and kick the shit out of him when he does it im terified to drive and have been since my last accident and well, him driving that way makes me flip and fear for my safety, not only that but when he gets angry he throws tantrums these huge uncalled for tantrums...and it makes me wonder why we are together in the first place if hes going to scream at me over little things, he needs angermanagement, yes and dont think this recently happened nope it happened like 3 days ago and im still as angry as i was then go figure, its not like he gives a shit, oh and another thing just because i have no job right now because IM STARTING COLLEGE does not make it right for him to tell me that "oh well it must be nice to sleep in because you know i work all day" or "its my money i work my ass off what do you do" or "go do this for me i work all day" yea and i dont ask for a fucking cent of his money half the time he buys me stuff thats way to much for his budget and i dont want it...im a cheap person...i like cheap clothes, cheap perfume, cheap but WARM jackets, and i dont like suprise gifts that i cant use because the smell makes me want to vomit but he cant just let me pick shit out and for some reason he thinks i dont appericate what he busy me and you know maybe i would if he ever bought me ANYTHING i really wanted or needed that was ON SALE. I have lived poor for so long i hate to watch people be frivalous with money...it makes me want to rip my hair out and if thats not bad enough he tells me how much the shit is he buys me and all the stupid meaningless things he buys that he cant afford, maybe if he put some of it in the bank he might be able to get shit he wants with out being broke after two days. Hes not going to be able to lean on his grandparents forever and maybe he needs to stop doing it now and see what its like to be grown up, maybe im just angry because i never got to just piss my money away because i had to have every sent of it go to shit i didnt even see any of my pay checks and he gets to spend $600 on useless shit and when he blows it in two days he gets money handed to him every other day....and he is grown up PSSH...no. I always wanted it like that but it never was like that and he never understands how much that stuff bothers me JUST DONT TELL ME WHAT U SPENT UR MONEY ON. if it truly was not my business then he shouldnt tell me.
Maybe its just me about to have my period but i dont know how much more of him i can take, he is vindictave, he scares me, hes started hitting (like in my leg but he hurts me and its not right), screaming like a jack ass at the top of his lungs, talks to people i ask him not to, bitches when i say something because he thinks hes so perfect and nothing should EVER be said to him...i dont want someone who expects me to change and wont cange for me...so here i go back to being the distant bitch since the changes he wanted me to change just made him worse and didnt help and he wont change. Hes only nice to me like that when im a bitch and id rather have it that way i refuse to let him ruin another one of my weeks like he did this one!
Jae!
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