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Jayellah (jayellah) wrote,
@ 2008-07-07 18:46:00
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    Current mood: blah

    My First Rambling
    Well this is my first blurty entry. So I guess I should give a little update on whats going on in my life. I have moved back to the cornfields of Indiana from the beautiful beaches of Florida. Although I will miss the sound of the waves and the feel of the sand in my toes, being back in my hometown is like running towards a close friend with their arms outstretched to hug me. There is a certain safety and warmth in knowing that the majority of my family is within a few miles. I've moved in with my dad. There is a huge list of complaints that goes along with that, but I'm trying to stay positive today. I've been living alone for most of the last 8-9 years so this is a really big adjustment. I'll be starting school again in the fall. Hopefully will be studying nursing. Its going to be a long hard road, but I know that I can handle it.

    I'm in a state of Life overhaul right now. Besides going back to school, I'm embarking on a serious exercise program. I'm about 40 pounds overweight right now. I haven't actually weighed myself in over a month, so it could be higher than that by now. It slowly crept up on me in the past year or so, after losing my mom to cancer and losing my job. Now that I'm making positive changes in my life I think that I can tackle this weight issue and start to get my health in order. Living with my dad (the junk food king) is not going to help. His idea of a healthy meal is tacos and mt dew. This is also the man who once went on a "cream corn and Ruffles diet". It is going to really take commitment. One thing that will help me along is getting on a normal sleeping schedule. So I have to get up in the morning!

    So anyways, I am going to use this journal to keep track of the healthy changes (physical, emotional, spiritual) that I'm making each day. Tomorrow morning I'm going to take some 'before' pictures of myself. My goal is to lose 15 pounds by Sept 13 (a friends wedding). I think thats a doable goal. Hopefully it will be more than that though.

    I also need to alter my habits with friends. There are certain friends of mine that do more damage to me than good. Take Tina* (* names have been changed to protect myself from getting my ass kicked) for example. She is a train wreck. Move over Brit and Linds, you are nothing compared to her. She is in a financial downward spiral and yet goes further into debt by going on lavish vacays, is sort of a slut, eats really bad and never exercises--and then whines about how out of shape she is, is never supportive of my life choices, and constantly bitches about my other friends. She is just one of those people whom you can never rely on because she is always wrapped up in her own shit. I have always put myself aside to help her with stuff, but on the few occasions that I need her help, she's busy with a boyfriend, housework, or some other lame excuse. Now, since I still really do care about her welfare, and I cannot change her actions, I just have to change how I react towards her. I am someone who deals with depression and anxiety, and when I am around her, it all gets worse. She brings me down with her. I'm going to limit my time with her from now on. I think its probably better that way.

    I need to surround myself with people who are positive and have the kind of morals and goals that I have myself. Such as Velma*. She has a fantastic career, loving boyfriend, loves to work out, beautiful house, and a closet that I would kill for. I really need to expand on my friendship with her. We are already great friends, but I think that I need for her to really be around more so that I can learn from her. We started working out together in the mornings, so that is a good start.

    Dean* has a lot of awesome qualities as well. He is hilarious. We just laugh the whole time we hang out. He is very 'mystical'. He has more talent in his pinkie than I do in my whole body. He's an amazing painter, just really is able to tap into his creative side, and I admire that most of all. He also loves tv almost as much as me, and loves to cook. I feel like I am more myself when I spend time with him than I do with anyone else. -which is my goal.

    Netta* is my supportive rock. She always tells me that I can do it (no matter what 'it' is). Whether its college, losing weight, or making any change in life, she is always there for me. The only negetive about spending time with her is that she is very cynical about love. Her husband left her, and she just hasn't been in a real relationship since then. Its all very understandable, but I do not want her cynicism to rub off on me. I'm already not a huge believer in love (but thats another story altogether).

    What I'm lovin today: hickory smoked tuna packets....yum, my cat, laying around in my pjs all day, watching soap operas, clay face masks, club pogo, and grape popsicles

    What I'm hatin today: bad soap opera actors, adult acne (seriously this has to stop), waiting on financial aid people to call, stomach aches, humid weather, my dad's gross 'bachelor' type habits

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