jessica (javajess) wrote, @ 2005-10-03 19:37:00

my calling
I can't get anything right.

I decided to change my field placement before the semester started because I wanted to work with a different client population. First mistake.

I then accepted a position at a macro-level agency, where I get minimal client contact. I want to be a case worker. Second mistake.

Now it looks like I'm going to have to change agencies. I'm happy about this, because I really want some client interaction and I feel like this would be a good opportunity to try out another area of social work. However, if I would've just stuck with my first placement, I wouldn't be in this predicament. Dumbass.

I wonder if I'm really following the right path. I want to be here, but am I not meant to be here?

It's frustrating. Every time I go into my placement I try to make the most of it. It IS a learning experience. However, very little of what I am doing is applicable to my course work.

I'd give anything to turn back the clock 3 months and keep my original placement. I feel like I'd be doing exactly what I wanted as far as skills go. It makes me want to cry.

And it'd be shitty of me to say I want to go back to this place when I said they were inadequate before. In fact, it's probably not possible. GRRRRR.

I hate it when I get all worked up and then have a shitload of work to get done. I just want to change my placement NOW. Maybe that's a possibility. I mean, it's not that I don't like my placement. But it's not what I need.

Damn.

I want to scream. I'm a lunatic. Oops, that's probably not p.c.

Whatever.

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