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I thought quite a bit over the last two days about our brief conversation about Emma and soccer/gymnastics. I wanted to share some of those thoughts with you if that is ok… But first, a caveat to this email. 1) I’m not a parent and don’t have kids. 2) I don’t have a degree in child psychology/development. 3) I’m not an elementary school teacher or something similar. 4) I haven’t been coaching kids for that long either. So I cannot exactly claim to be an expert in anything I’m going to say! 5) I’m a bit partial to soccer as a sport in general so that skews my view on things. 6) I don’t know very much about gymnastics and the world of gymnastics. Although I must say, after watching the girls on Saturday, I am convinced that every kid should participate in gymnastics to some degree. I can’t think of anything better for their physical development, coordination, strengthening, agility, mind/body awareness, etc. I’ve already decided my kids (if that happens someday!!) are going to be enrolled in gymnastics. So, it’s not a big deal to me if we lose Emma on the soccer team, in terms of her contributions to the team. We will be worse off for her absence, but that’s fine. I (and we) aren’t doing this (especially recreational indoor soccer) to recruit the best players and try and win every game. But from a somewhat selfish perspective, I’m going to miss seeing Emma every week. The more I get to know her and chat (which hasn’t been that much in the limited amount of time you have to chat with the girls 1 hour a week), the more I enjoy having her around. She’s a great kid. I’ll miss her if she isn’t playing with us, and I’m sure the other girls will too. So the larger question of her life and future outside of our little indoor soccer team, doesn’t have much to do with me since I wouldn’t be coaching her anyway after indoor (that I could see now). But I do care about her, and want what is best for her in the future, whatever that might be. So this is why I write this email. The last two days I’ve been thinking about Emma and gymnastics, her gymnastics coach and his opinions (from what I’ve gathered) on what his girls should be doing, the decisions you will have to make about her future in gymnastics and soccer, etc. I’ve had a lot of things come to mind that I hope you will be willing to think about (and I’m sure you probably already have before this). If not, then I guess you can just delete this email. J I will start bluntly. I think Emma’s coach is off the wall in expecting/suggesting that his girls should be choosing one sport at the age of 10, not playing soccer, etc. If we’re trying to get some of these girls to compete nationally, have a shot at the Olympic Team, that’s about the only reason it makes sense to me. But I have to tell you, if there is such a motivation, I think it’s questionable. I have watched gymnastics here and there (Olympics mainly) and listened to some of the dialogue about having children, who will peak in their sport at the age of 16, pushed from a very young age to be able to get to that level and compete at that level when they are 16 year old girls. I have no firsthand experience in athletics at such an elite level, so I can’t intelligently comment from the outside looking in. But it has to be an enormous sacrifice, to childhood, to growing up as a kid and experiencing life as a kid… Maybe in some situations it is worth it. Maybe some kids have that dream, and are willing to get there with the intensity of their personal drive and their passion for what they are doing. Maybe then, if it is a decision these kids are making after considering all the pros and cons, and are making this decision in the absence of adult pressure, who may not have their best interests at heart, maybe then this particular child/teenager can invest that much of themselves into something. But, in the absence of Olympic/National dreams, why does a 10 year old child need to pick one sport (not including the kid that maybe just likes one sport and doesn’t care much about the others)? I cannot think of a single reason beyond the one above, which has an awful lot of ifs to it. Why does Emma need to choose between soccer and gymnastics? Assuming she likes both, what is the harm in doing both? Well, I suppose she won’t be able to invest as much in one sport and won’t be as good. Does it matter? Isn’t life, especially for children, about experiencing life and learning from life and everything that it has to offer? And what is she going to lose by only participating in that one sport? What experiences will she miss? Specifically when it comes to soccer, I can think of several (and these would apply to other sports too, like basketball, lacrosse, etc.). 1) It’s a team sport, and there are so many life lessons to be learned from working in a team (especially as she gets older and teamwork becomes more important). 2) Soccer is a life-long sport. She could play until she is 50+, an important tool in life-long physical fitness/mental wellness. 3) Soccer is a very creative/dynamic/flowing game. Very little is scripted. To be good at soccer requires a lot of creativity, vision, instantaneous decision making, etc. 4) Soccer provides a fantastic environment for people to practice leadership (and many other things), which translates into the “real” world. 5) I don’t know for sure, but I would think that soccer would provide more educational opportunities (for women) in terms of scholarships for college, than just about any sport save basketball. I’m sure I could sit here and think of many more great things about soccer. Anyway, my point just being, soccer is a great sport. So maybe the decision must come down to the availability of hours in the day for Emma’s schedule, and for mom and dad’s schedule in driving her all over. If she goes forward with gymnastics and is supposed to practice 5 days a week, that doesn’t leave much time for other stuff. I must admit, I don’t understand the practicing 5x a week thing, for a 10 year old, unless you are trying to get them to National competitions or ensure college scholarships (and I already talked about that). But what it all comes down to in the end for me, is what does Emma want? If it is about what is best for her, and she is choosing between things that are all good options, then I think it would make sense for it to be her decision. If this was a decision between sitting at home and playing video games every day, vs. playing SOME sport of some type, and she decides video games is the way to go, maybe the parental decision should trump the kid’s decision! But this is not the case. So what does Emma want? Explain all of the choices and constraints… This many hours in the day, this many activities, this many things mom and dad can support, what tradeoffs would she have to make (maybe there is no alternative to practicing 5x a week for level 7, take it or leave it… (That’s not a very good option in my opinion however)) Maybe in the end she loves gymnastics enough that she would want to quit soccer. Or maybe she wants to do both (and this might mean she isn’t going to be on the podium in the future at every gymnastics meet… Is that ok with her? Might she worry that if she wasn’t placing every meet that she would be treated different by the adults in her life?). Or maybe she has an entirely different idea.… Maybe this is hard to get at, as children can be so influenced by the spoken and unspoken desires of parents, coaches, adults, and friends. But hopefully what she really wants will come out. Emma’s 10, she has a multitude of amazing experiences to look forward to while she’s a child, a teenager, a young adult, and an adult… But now, more than ever, my feeling, from being around these kids, is that they should have all the freedom and opportunities to experience everything that life has to offer them. There are warning bells that go off in my head when someone is trying to close doors to the infinite possibilities in life, especially for a child. There will be plenty of time later in her life to make these option A or option B type decisions. Maybe she’s a freshman or senior in HS and her heart is set on gymnastics in college, or soccer for the women’s national team, or playing the piano in front of 1,000’s of rapt Mozart fans, or becoming an astronaut, or doing research to cure disease! And maybe at that point she makes sacrifices to get there. But does that have to happen when she is 10? Post a comment in response: |
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