|Current mood:|| sleepy|
|Current music:||Amsterdam by Coldplay|
Today was better.... better in comparison to what?? Well let's hope that it was better than yesterday and the day before and the day before.... because honestly those days were pure shit in every sense of the word.
I was out all day, keeping busy, eating little. It felt so good, I felt in control again. Some people say that nothing tastes as good as thin feels. What if you are not thin. I don't think I'm thin.... 98, when I weigh that, then maybe I will change my mind. But the truth is, that nothing tastes as good as that feeling of being in total control that you get when you have not eaten. That sense of power you have when you don't eat, and you think of all those people who have eaten while you don't need that.... all you need is enough to give you a bit of energy to get you through your day. Do I make sense?? I don't know if I ever do. I write what I am thinking, letting my fingers tap away at the keys. It's 2 am.... I can't ever sleep anymore.
I was going to write more, but I can't think of anything right now.... my mind is a blank slate, I'm hungry, I've got to go to bed before I start thinking too much about food....