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shy and retiring (jackdanielles) wrote,
@ 2003-02-23 20:23:00
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    Current music:belle and sebastian

    oh yeah she's losing it
    i can't tell if i feel more or less safe writing in this journal than livejournal. i think maybe i'm not really feeling very safe talking period. i'm having one of those i need to shut myself off from everyone urges. obviously this is probably not the best idea. i think i'm also frustrated because the stuff that i probably need to talk about most right now i can't (or feel like i can't) talk about in this (or that other) online journaling world. this is making me just want to write about nothing - at least until the feeling passes.

    i need a job because i can't make next month's rent. it's difficult looking for a job (let alone actually getting one) when you're way too scared to deal with the public or new people just generally. i wonder if i can actually handle working in any sort of public space. maybe i should get another call centre job because that way i don't have to deal with anyone face to face. although, getting screamed at and called names over the phone isn't really easy to deal with either. i can't even deal with how shitty people treat market researcher surveyors or whoever else it is that phones people's houses. this one woman that i worked with would freak out often because the people on the other end's verbal abuse kept triggering her. like you don't want to talk to her fine, but there is no need to scream at her and tell her that she's worthless in the process. god. i'm worried that getting yelled at and being called names over the phone is going to be triggering for me also.

    i still can't even believe that i saw that walking piece of shit in vancouver this week. i hope he wipes out on his skateboard.

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