| Current mood: | exhausted |
| Current music: | blues brothers in the background |
I wrote this last night for my livejournal
I've started a mixtape track listing for someone.
I realized I never allow myself to have closure.
That's my hugest problem
Lack of closure.
I never resolve things
I never say goodbye.
I just stop...talking...to whoever hurts me.
I dont let them know they hurt me.
I just cut off all contact with them and assume that they can figure it out on their own.
But what if they can't.
What if they don't think like me?
Not everybody's mind works like mine.
That's what this mixtape is for.
They hurt me and they will know about it
But not in a mean way
Just because I was hurt does not give me the right to hurt the person who hurt me
(however much I would like to)
The songs will have meaning.
There will be a reason they are on there.
But I thought that's how all mixtapes worked.
I can't even fathom making a mixtape WITHOUT meaning
I cant imagine making a mixtape that includes songs that have lyrics like
I'm in love with you and it won't stop.
You're the one I want.
and songs that are called "Do You Like Me?" and such without it having some sort of MEANING.
Maybe it's just me.
Maybe I'm too sentimental and try to attatch a meaning to everything, even things like sly smiles and blue eyes that appear to light up when I walk in that probably have no meaning except the one that I attatch to them in my head.
This mixtape isn't just for this person.
It's for me as well.
It's so we both know that I'm over it, I'm over him.
I have someone who actually wanted me, not somebody who I thought wanted me.
And he is oh so wonderful and I'm not lying.
I have somebody who really knows I'm beautiful
Not saying he didn't know that.
Who knows.
I should have known it didn't have meaning
That was my mistake and I wasted his time and mine in finding it out.
And he'll never read this, but this line is for him
because you're beautiful, just not on the inside
Goodbye.
p.s. I redid my userinfo. Look if you are interested. It sucks, but oh well.
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