its 3am and i thought i'd update. and more than likely, only a few people will read this and thats probably okay because its likely to be just worthless shit i spew out about these feelings i can't seem to find or have or handle. i guess i (we) spend our lives in search of these feelings we so desire, only to find lukewarm ideas about them. when you do this, you'll feel this and you get there and you wonder what the fuck they were talking about. like our dances, our dates, our trips and new beginnings would be this revealing, insightful wonderous time. and maybe i just didn't get the memo. i feel so helpless. so sick (literally and emotionally?). and i just want some sense. physical sense. mental sense. fuck, any sense. telepathy, i don't fucking care
eventually we became pretty good actors. acting and reacting and reacting.