Ebb You Sea of Raging Hormones
Why do all the milestones in life have to occur over the span of about ten short years? How come the time between incidents can’t be extended? IT would give us something to look forward to apart from ‘Over the Hill’ after 21.
I spent a lot time in middle school wondering just what it would be like; not being able to wait till it was my turn; until I was old enough. And now I find it is my turn- and I’m afraid. I look around me and people are losing their virginity left and right. Or so’n’so just gave her first blowjob, and I wonder to myself, am I really ready for this? Will I ever get my chance? Can’t I just get it over with? IT would be so easy to just skip over these years. About the age of 10 we go on mental trips away from our bodies, and however many years later we return to ourselves. And we’ve done everything, tried everything. Nothing to worry about, no dwindling embarrassment because we don’t remember it. No reminiscing of fumbling in the dark the first time and that first taste of womanhood- painful.
I remember wondering every Friday night if that was going to be the night I got my first kiss. It got to the point where I didn’t even want it to be special anymore. I just wanted to be done with it. I wanted to get over that first milestone so I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. And I finally did. On a Tuesday just before school got out behind the curtains in the theater. And I haven’t kissed another boy since him. And I feel like I’m missing something. I know how Zach kisses, but how does Jay kiss? What is this thing my mom describes as ‘it’s as if they’re tasting you’. Have I felt it already? How come I can’t have five years tween time where I can get the kissing thing down pat and then move below the neck…below the waist? Life would be a lot less pressured if the sea of raging hormones wasn’t as high tide our entire high school experience.