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MyLostHeart (insearchof) wrote,
@ 2003-03-15 20:34:00
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    the Battles of the Wills
    It was a beautiful day today. Sunny, not a clowd in the sky. 58 degrees. To think it was not even 25 degrees for a high on Monday. I didn't get to spend a lot of time outside, but was in and out.

    Daughter is working. Until 10:00. Son is at the mall with friends. He has my jeep, so he had better be paying attention to the time as he will have to be home in time for her to be picked up. I will not be happy if I have to call a friend to go get her.

    My son and I had a battle of the wills again today. He learned well from his father and I have been struggling to help him overcome some bad habits. Like not being willing to work a job that is not the ideal job in his mind. Lieing about going out and looking for other jobs. Better jobs. Being lazy. I asked him the yesterday to do the dishes. Unfortunatly when he went to fill up the sink, it was clogged. I told him to run to the store and buy something to pour in it to clean it out. Then we waited, nothing happended. As of this morning I ended up taking the pipes apart under the sink and cleaning them out. I was quite proud of myself until I went to put it all together and could not exactly remember how they went. My daughter ended up pushing me aside and I am embarrassed to say, she had it together, no leaks in a matter of minutes. Figures. But I was also proud of her.

    Then I took her shopping, we needed a few things. Told my son to have the dishes done BEFORE I got home. I came home and he had not even started them. We ended up argueing over them. He feels that he works too, (about 20 hours a week) and he should not have to do house work on his off time. WHAT?!!! I wish somebody had thought up that concept before I started my job! He said he seems to do all the housework without any help from anybody. Geez, I asked him how did it feel? I asked him if he really wanted to start to compare our schedules and see who works the hardest. He said no, but, but, but. He tells me that his know the story. I told him to go ahead, go to his friend's houses. I would help him to pack right away. And IF he finds that he can live with one of his friend's families, not work full time, not pay rent, not do housework, not help with groceries, not do anything on his off time but sleep or sit in front of the puter, by all means, let me know because I want to move in too. He finally broke down and did the dishes. He does work tomorrow.

    Sometimes our battles are ok, they are more of a battle for him to gain independence. But this one was stupid. And he made me mad. I am tired of seeing his father in him. The poor character parts of his father that is. I am in for a long battle to get him beyond it. But in his heart, he is a good young man. And I am proud of him most of the time.

    My daughter battles me at times too. But usually they are more around privalages she feels she should have. Like the right to get a tatoo. I don't think so. I told her that when she is 18, she will not need my permission. I did let her get her own cell phone and I had to sign up for it. But she has to pay her own bill. So long as she is working, she can. And she likes to have a job, likes having her own money. Buying her own things. Such a contrast to her brother. He wants MY money and for me to buy his things.

    Well, we are expecting warmer weather all week. A little rain too, but warmer. I am glad not only for myself. But "He" works outside all day. It will be nice to picture him working out in the warmer weather than to remember the times at the job site when he would come over to warm his hands over the karosene heater. Or inside my jacket. Not that I minded that. I sure do miss those fun times with him. If you ever knew someone that felt like a "soul-mate", that is what he felt like. He told me I was his soul-mate many times. So where did it go? We are still the same people. Still like the same things, share the same interests, enjoy the same jokes. And I thought I was the one that would have trouble with the casual sex. I guess it is him that cannot handle it. I am all for just being friends again. (I do miss the sex and if he were single, I would persue it. But he is not.)

    I am waiting for Tuesday night. There was a new guy in practice. He had come there as a guest of the coach. He lives not far from me, maybe 8 miles or so west of me. He is about 6 feet tall, handsome and funny. He took a liking to me and we enjoyed laughing together. He talked to me about the chorus and is a very good tenor. He and my son want to start a quartet. He said he would be back there this tuesday. That is nice, I am looking forward to seeing him again. He also loves dogs and horses, like me. And even has a horse. That is so neat. I wish I could afford another horse. I think he is single by the sounds of it. Probably divorced. He does have a 15 year old daughter. It would be so nice to meet someone close by that I can enjoy. Maybe go out with. And it would do me some good. And the best revenge is to let "him" see me moving on and with another handsome man. I could never physically hurt him or intentionally emotionally hurt him. But to know he sees me with a man and it is not him. I know that used to bother him a bit. Wish me luck that he is not married. I like him. And the best way to get over a man is sometimes another man. I want to try it, moving on without one is not working.

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