| Current mood: |  crushed |
im sad
hey wats up i hate my life i cant even get out of bed cause im to afraid im going to walk down the street and see john with his girlfriend. well he got the other side of his lip pierced which means he has both sides and he streatch out his ears again. and right now im listeninbg to dashboard confessional only cause thats one of his favorite bands. OMG guess what my dream is coming true cause my mom is moving in with dawn which means me and emily are going to share a room and finally live together and that will be good cause i wont be so far from cassie and alicia and i will be able to see john again well more then usual. i saw him like 3 nights ago and he came over to where i was and was talking to my friend randi and dan then let i hope he didnt see me cause if he did then that means that he was ignoring me and that would suck. it sucks bkig time to love someone who is with someone else cause then you know you cant have them for a while if you ever can. for now on when people tell me they love me im not going to belive then cause i dont want this shyt to happen all over again right now my life is at the worst it has ever been. and on top of that matt is in the hospital cause he tryed to kill himself he even left a suiside note that his mom found. im friends with cassie again and mike is starting to come out more but im not sure if he still "loves" me i hope he doesnt cause that would just make everything worse then it already is cause then that means i would be doing the same thing to him as john is doing to me whbich would make me a hipicrite. maybe with cassie back in my live i will be able to get more things out of my head cause she is a very good listener. im home sick and it sucks cause this is my second day being sick. kayla might be the reason that matt tryed to kill himself cause he "got over" me then fell for kayla who then was all over him then told him that she basically "hates" him and im kinda glad cause that would mean that evryone wont be blaming it on me like usual which is good but why would he go and pull this shyt i dont know cause everyone has already told him a million times that she dont like him for once in his life i wish that he would just wake up and listen to what me cassie emily or alicia has to say to him cause if he did then his live would be a whole lot better and it would make a lot more scence. all where trying to do is help him and be his friends but then he pushes us out for fakes like kayla and stephanie and lindsey. and maybe none of this would have happened if he didnt drop out of school he has like only two years left how stupid can you be. oh well back to me well im mad atkayla cause of the shyt she pulled with matt i mean she has no consideration for people she could have said "matt look i like you only as a friend" instead she was all over him and she lead him on and like a love sick puppy he followed and look where that got him. maybe living back in northbridge will bring me and john closer then i will have a chance to tell him how i feel cause last time i got that chance i was trippen on 3c's and then we got aressted so that doesnt help any. i hate my live so much i mean you know whats the point of living if where all going to end up dead anyways?aight well got to go bye
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