|Current mood:|| infuriated|
|Current music:||"Forever" by Throwdown|
IF THESE BULLETS COULD TALK...
this is a letter i wrote to ashley. it pretty much sums up my feelings. yeah:
"i really need someone to talk to and you are busy at work so i can't call you, so this is what i resorted to.
i'm just really sick of everyone. i know you have heard me ramble on about this before and i'm sorry for bringing it up yet again. you don't have to read on if don't want to. i just...
i'm so fucking sick of the fact i did nothign wrong and yet i have to sit here every day and have the people i would have done anything for call me a whore behid my back and just treat me like shit when i treated them with nothing but respect. i hate the fact they can sleep around all they want and with each others girlfriends and such and yet, because of a fucking rumor i'm the bad person. and no one even really likes adam. they all thought he was a liar. they all thought he was a fucking piece of shit for what he did to me. i did nothing to lose my trust i thought they had given me, and they believe him over me. "he wouldn't lie about something like that".... bullshit? and yeah, most of it is on me for being so fucking naive. but they are fucking horrible, disgusting people. i've been trying to think of it as a good thing he said it. because now i know these kids for who they really are. but some days, that just doesn't get me through. i really wish they would all just die or at least separate and move away. they don't deserve anything but grief and pain. i hate them so fucking much it makes me want to vomit.
i don't know. thanks for being my best friend and getting to know the real, true me. thank you for believing in me and for always listening. you are the best person i know. school is coming to an end and it scares the hell out of me to know we will be so far away from each other and i could lose you... just thank you for everything you given me. i don't know how i can ever repay you.
... i hate avery. hate matt. hate dillon. hate heath. hate austin. hate nadia. hate adam. hate them all.
i just wish i could stop crying.