|Current mood:|| exhausted|
|Current music:||"Aesthetic" by BTBAM!! (website pic goooo!)|
Bitter and Then Some
i hate guys. i really do. nick came over a bit after my last entry on v-day and gave a a rose and a really sweet love letter. it's just like........ AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! i hate the fact i don't know where we really stand. it digs at me all the time and it fucking sucks. and 2 of my guy friends have been lying to me and trying to be fucking slick (suprise....). and adam has been getting worse when he says his been trying to do better. blal.
so nick and i hung out tuesday and it was pretty tight. i don't know. sometimes i realize that i'm not being the real me when i'm around him and i don't know why. i guess i've always been afraid he won't like me (bc for the most part he didn't used to). sigh... anyway, back to the funny. yeah, we went back to his house and nadia came home and the first thing she does is complain about gerard (again... suprise) and then tells us avery and matt are coming over. oh man... i was like "great....*shoots self*". but they came over and i didn't say a word to matt the whole time. and i didn't really want to talk to avery but i had to to make a point. yeah, at one point ave and nick left the room and it was just nadia, matt, and i. jesus christ! i wanted to blow everything up. and then later on WOOO FUCKING HOOO dillon shows up. right then, i didn't even know what to say. say instead of going to jail for killing 4 people, i texted and called ash<3 for a while. that made me feel a lot better. but it felt so good to just ignore everyone and let them realize they mean nothing anymore.
what the fuck...
ash had her baking competition last night. and EVERYONE thought she was going to win.... she came in 2nd. what kind of bullshit is that. the girl that got first, her shit sucked. bunny's everything was so much better than hers. and what made it worse, it was the one person who gave me a bad vibe the whole night. seriuously. i just wanted to knock her fucking teeth out. oh well. it was awesome though when everyone came up to ash and was like "you should have won". so to drown her sorrows, we went to applebee's for din din around 9:15. it was aweosme bc she was still wearing her chef coat and silver(boo) metal, so the waiter thought she was of some importance. hahaha. he was so nice the whole time. but hopefully i got to make ash feel a little bit better about the (cheap fucking) loss.
4 FUCKING DAYS, ASSHOLES!!!!! the used and my chemical romance all over the captain's and bunny's bodies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "LOVE ET!" oh my geez. it's going to be great. i'm trying to look super hott for that shit bc this is a rare occasion where i want to be noticed (by JephA:D) haha.
i miss grease. and my borhaim. a lot. bah. i really wish that cory guy from prem. of war would have called. he seems super nice. oh well. i still have GREEEEEEASE!! he's so great.