|Current mood:|| optimistic|
|Current music:||"All That Glitters Is..." by Remembering Never:D<3|
Our Lady Of Sorrows
man! i've been trying...
i've been keeping up my self-esteem and i've been giving new people a chance. i realized how much i miss my old self. how did i becoming so unaccepting? i know why. it's the fucking kids i thought were what i needed and wanted in my life. oh... how wrong i was. but it's nice getting away from all of that. i've changed so much. i feel like i've lost myself and it's great being able to get it all back. i might not like myself, but the old me is much better than whatever i am now.
i'm really trying to lose weight and tone up again. i feel so gross. blal. i effing suck.
i no longer want to think of matt. i'm sickened by him as well as the rest of those fucks. i really don't think it would bother me to never hear of them again. especially jimmy, macie, and heath... i hope those cunts die a extremely slow and torturous death.
i just don't know about nick and i. sometimes i feel as i'm not doing something right or not trying hard enough for him; others, i feel as though i'm trying too hard. maybe i'm just always going to be second best... if that.
i really miss grease. grrrrrrr! seriously. i miss him. blah. fuck. shit. wanker. a part of my doesn't trust him, but the rest of me wants to. he's so AMAZING!!!11!!1! he always says little things to put me in a good mood. and i know i shouldn't take it so seriously. i mean, like i've said... what makes me so special? nothing. i'm not anything special. which is why i don't understand why he was even interested in me in the first place. oh well. i'm gunna stay "posi" (ewww... i just said that) and keep on keeping on. if i want good things to happen, they eventually are going to happen... right?
yeah. things have to look up. :D