|Current mood:|| giddy|
|Current music:||goo goo dolls .. name <33 me and his first song ..=)|
yet another day of breathing without him around ..
well .. i finally know hes okay. well, for now . hes alive .. his makin money .. with a job this time .. and he actually thinks about me . i mean .. he has to .. why else would he call me and talk to me ? lately , i've ben missing him so much . maybe its because we actually talk now so hes always on my mind ? i dont no .. my head is all fucked up because of him . i guess im going down there for his birthday at the end of this month . i think it was a mistake to tell my grandma .. she actually started to cry to me. she told me she wants me to forget about him .. that im a "beautiful" girl and i shouldnt stress myself over a guy like i do about him.. i dont no . i guess shes right ? but if only she knew how crazy about him i am .. then she might understand. i no hes not much .. i no my grandma dosent think he has anything going for him .. but .. im willing to try .. im willing to wait for him for right now . even though .. in the long run .. maybe it wont be the right decision .. but.. we all learn from our mistakes .. and im willing to learn from this situation.theres something there that makes me hold on to him ... its a good feeling that i get .. i get the butterflies when we talk on the phone . i mean .. maybe its puppy love or whatever .. but .. i just dont care .. until we are completely over .. im not going to try and push it away.its ben a year and a half .. it seems so much longer .. maybe because i got attached to him so quick .. yano .. he was everything i hated in a guy .. its funny that we got together and actually had alot in common. im usually into those "punk" kinda guys .. i just like their look .. and the music . neil .. hes just .. baggy clothes .. raised in philly .. rap music .. and he was shy the first time we met .. lol .. after a while .. suprisingly .. he introduced me to some heavy metal music n what ever else .. nothing that u can picture a guy like him jammin to .. lol .. he was extrememly open with himself .. lol . kindof disgusting at times .. but funny in the same prospective . i mean.. he would lift up his shirt n try to shake the boobies he dosent have .. he would fart and tell me that was a kiss for me n try to hug me after he did it ... he would call me in the middle of the night to tell me he woke up and had to take a shit really bad and it made him think about me .. he still calls me so he can talk to me while he shits .. lol .. hes such a wise ass <3 .. thats why i grew to love him. i miss the way he would try to play fight with me and give me zingers and then when i got mad he would put on his "sexy" voice and say i love you baby .. lol .. then he would try to be serious n laugh in my face. =) all his stupidness .. i love .. i miss him being around. i miss it when he used to get really drunk n then call me and try to talk ... the way he would call me at 4:00 in the morning when i had school the next day just to tell me "sweet wet ones " lol ...the way he would stay on the phone with me until i fell asleep .. the way he would wake up at 7 am and tell me he loved me before i went to school in the morning. Then .. most recently when he came in .. i think it was in march .. he called me at 7 and told me he was in and he was sitting outside of frankies house and he wanted to know if i wanted a ride to school .. lol .. then he picked me up and made fun of me cus that day in school my contact ripped in my eye so it was all swollen and bloodshot .. and my lip was busted cus i was playing around with danny and i punched myself in the lip .. lol .. he kept busting my ass .. askin me who i got into a fight with n after i said nobody hes like okay then who beat u up .. lol i miss the wise cracks<3 oh and this is the best one .. when he was commin in for christmas .. he got me 3 things .. one was a ring .. his grandfathers wedding band ... 2 was a stuffed animal .. and 3 .. was a pair of sponge bob boxers .. but he already wore them .. lol .. what an ass =*)the picturee that i have of him at my house a couple nights b4 he left was great.. he had on his shorts .. my nypd sweat shirt that was too short ... long socks and my flip flops .. and my fox racing hat .. he has a retard smile on his face and his giving the peace sign with both of his hands .. lol .. thats black male right there for everyone i meet when i go down there .. he'll probally wrestle me for it .. but i'll get my way somehow .. lol . i dont no .. im gunna go get some sleep .. n call that fucker when i wake up in the morning and say something sarcastic to him .. haha .. night