| Current mood: |  content |
| Current music: | weezer |
Blurty blurty blurty!
Yay for blurty. Just got home from Alisons...listened to Weezer the whole way home...sang along every word..blissful, it was...yet bittersweet. They can be so heartwrenching in the wrong(right?) mindset yet so jubilant in times of contetment.
So today was much of the hand holding thing. I was glowing. It was abolute heaven. Simple handholding. She came back from four days in Oklahoma tonight and the first thing she did was call me to hang out.
Earlier today I hung out with Ms lauren and saw Spider-Man II again which was excellent. She is a rather fun gal, I think I bore her severely but she is a joy to be around.
After that I came home and did the whole picking up of my mom from work, LJ, etc etc. I returned Split T's call and Ben and Dano invited me to a Japanese Gorefest but apparently it was a DAY gorefest and not a NIGHT gorefest so we missed it. How sad.
So alison and I ate at La Cabana and were connected at the palms, later we picked up Split T and in an awkward event..picked up The Hayley and so the handholding had to be postponed until the hayley was dropped off after watching Split T skate for about an hour. Then..Return of the King at Alisons...*sighs*
Saw Charlotte and Piper today in the mall parking lot. I've been seeing/talking with the fellow with some frequency. He's a terribly nice fellow. He has offered to help with the Bubble website.
So Alison said we're dating! Woo!
So this month I've spent almost $2,000 on various expenses. This blows...hard.
I STILL need to talk to the Chamber of Commerce. Hopefully I can get it done tomorrow and HOPEFULLY I don't work tomorrow. One day off per week is the pits, yet cloud nine in its own right.
I miss intimacy and physical contact. I don't mean SEX or anything like that but when I was with Kristel there was constant touching..constant contact...it's comforting, I think it's because of the way I was cared for when I was a child. Lots of physical affection which is ideal for children, but when it suddenly stops before the child reaches a point of maturation and it is instead replaced with indifference, hostility and doubt then the child forever feels neglected. Even in highschool...a few of my friends and I were substantially close and I felt comfortable with a certain physical affection which made me not feel so distant from society. It's very comforting. People are too impersonal in the United States. In south american, european and basically every else people greet each other with warm hugs and a kiss, and they aren't shy about "getting all up in yo space". Little things that we take for granted in this "if you bump into me while I am walking you will get a swift 'fuck you' " world.
I should probably make this thing friends only...hah! I already made my livejournal friends only for what? A whole 2 weeks? It won't happen. Public is the only way to go.
Blunt as a spoon!
Did you know that you can eliminate 90% of your friends from reading your posts by making it over approximately 5 moderately sized paragraphs? As long as you don't include many peoples names for them to take interest in or don't mention being upset about a break up or LJ Drama you can ward off any and all viewers.
Anyhow, back to marios abstract ideas and general review of life, I feel most out of my league with Alison, in a way I'm not normally used to. I feel like I'm dating some hollywood actress or something. Sure, it's innocent now, but if I don't curb this emotion it could lead to complications in the dating process.
I have trouble getting comfortable..unless I dress myself up, ready myself for ages and whatnot..only then do I consider myself at all able to cope with her presence, otherwise I feel like...a sort of beauty and the beast complex. I dunno, it's weird, but I am feeling sublime.
I want a girl who will laugh for no one else
When I'm away she puts her makeup on the shelf
When I'm away she never leaves the house
I want a girl who laughs for no one else
I want to through Borhila a going away party soon. He will be greatly missed...bah. I hope we are able to stay in touch, Canadian Jon and I have been e-mailing each other but it is still a sad event.
I think I upset my friend Emily a lot. Or something. She always gets the impression that I don't like her, even though I think she's friggin' awesome. Then again, B.S. apparently thinks I don't like him as well. Maybe it's a smyth conspiracy. They're all pretty awesome though.
Moving on, I really hope I made the right choice in telling Kristel "No, ma'am." Because, for all I know she was bullshitting with all of her phonecalls and emails trying to get back with me and telling me she all of a sudden Loves Me and went on to list all of our memories together...it was crazy...i reread the emails sometimes...she remembers EVERY little thing. I hope it wasn't a mistake. I know it wasn't. She doesn't know what she wants, she can't. She doesn't love me. I don't and never did love her...
The dreaded Marco.
Anyhow..
Mario needs a revamp. Maybe this new job, new school life, new circle of friends, new girl, all of it..maybe it's telling me something. Mario v.12343546764335
I need to start working out again. But for that I need energy and for energy I need to sleep and for healthy sleep I need a healthy mental state and for a healthy mental state I need a respectable diet.
I'm currently working on my eating habits. Baby steps.
I question the stability of my sanity.
..........only in dreams.........
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