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Aurelia (inbetweendreams) wrote,
@ 2005-12-24 00:58:00
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    its been a long time
    so i found my blurty again on the computer...sooo funny to look back and read all of that. that was eight months ago!! way too much has happend to write about it all, but in a nutshell, kevin came home from school and we started dating again. talk about freakin drama, tho. hes such a player, now looking back i really wish i hadnt been so blind and naive to see that he was still talking to other girls when he was apparently with me. i did find out about one girl (bc who really knows how many there were), and i got angry and decided to get even. I slept with a guy i used to see and who is also friends with kevin. that caused quite a fight between us and he actually made me feel really guilty about it even tho he was out doing whatever. so we were on and off for the rest of the summer, and once the end of august hit, i dont know what happend but something snapped in him. he called me at like 4 am to tell me he loved me and all that romantic garbage. after that we decided to be "officially" boyfriend/girlfriend. Seemed perfect, being that we were both going to the same life was real good. Once I got down to school I was meeting sooo many new people and not to mention some cute guys, so my life got hectic and i really didnt even see kevin as much as i should have. slowly things started falling apart, we fought sooo much and the next thing i knew i was suspicious he was cheating on me with some girl. i decided i couldnt cry over him anymore, i didnt wanna be one of those girls who deals with an asshole boyfriend for so long. we broke up about two months after i got to was really rough. i was miserable for a few days, but going out and being with my friends made me feel better. kevin and i started talking less than a month later, though, and before i knew it we were hooking up again.. i really didnt want it to be like that. i didnt want him to have all the power and control. i just loved having him there to talk to again, and having something to look forward to if he asked me to hang out or something. im pathetic i know. a girl who i hadnt really been friends with started talking to me, and she also happend to be in the same sorority as the girl i suspected he cheated on me with. she basicaly told me that they had in fact been an item and some other details i would have rather not known, but needed to. i bitched kevin out for everything, for making me feel so bad and for treating me like a piece of shit. i blocked him entirely out of my life for an entire week, just bc i couldnt let myself cave and forgive him quickly (or at all). things havent been the same since. ... not that i want them to. we talked about shit and basically i came to the conclusion i will never really knwo what happend, cause he wont ever admit it and i dont know who to believe. we havent talked in a few weeks now at all, not even as friends. i guess that was the problem tho. we never can be "just friends". i still love him and even though he probably doesnt exactly feel the same way i do, im still disappointed things didnt work out in the end. but who knows what will happen from here.......

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