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Tori Amos does a brilliant cover of The Rolling Stones' Angie. Normally i don't like her covers, but this one seems to understand the song better than the original. Odd. She also says "Now I'm wishing for my best impression of my best Angie Dickinson". I always thought of Emily Dickinson. Though i can't imagine what an impression of Emily Dickinson would be. For the most part socially solitary, minus a few relationships with family and girlfriends, died in obscurity only to have a legacy of poetry left behind to busy the rest of us with questions of your religion and sexuality. I need to read more of her. Maybe she's like Tori in the sense shes a girls girl and there is such an intimacy among girls that can be intrepreted as homosexuality. I mean with each other girls are very open about themselves. We talk constantly of sex and our various biological processes. I was reading Spelling by Margaret Atwood the other day. It starts out talking about her daughter learning to spell and then moves into a more mystical idea in the sense of spells. Maybe women are so easily seen as witches because even to ourselves we are such mysteries. I know that sounds ridiculously arrogant to say. And i know i'm not a boy so to say that men seem so much more straight forward could be very ignorant of me. But i still think that so many aspects of our existance seem to be a mystery. I know why i get my period, i know how i get my period, but I still feel its more than just a biological process. Too often its like the best friend or sister that visits to remind you of what you are. No matter what you become or how sexless you make youself, for a week out of the month your femininity returns to remind you. Its nice, its an excuse to ignore your boyfriend and just wallow in femaleness. One day its going to leave and then where are we? As children sex didn't matter. You just identified with whats most comfortable. For the longest time I thought boys got me better than girls. I have two brothers and they were until highschool my true best friends. In highschool i had girlfriends, but boys still played an important role as friends. But then i met my best friend and i realized the value of a real girl friend. I can't tell my brothers all my problems. They aren't going to cuddle on the couch, eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies with me. They aren't going to turn to me with urinary tract infections, and aren't going to look very sympatheticly on mine. Christ, where would women be without other women. Part of me is sorry for being so distant with my mother. I look at LP and CP with their mother and wish i had it. My mother just isn't like that. She has her own way of defining her femininity that seems so independent. I wish i was more like her sometimes. She's really wonderful, i have no idea how we become so distant in various ways. Maybe once i meet the person i'm going to settle down with i'll be more open with her. or maybe when i have my own kids. We do have the urinary tract infections to bond over still though. Tori sings "I need a big loan from the girl zone". I feel like i'm cashing in but i haven't quite paid my dues. I hope i don't get kicked out. I've never known well enough the value of girl friends until recently. I'm sorry it took this low to make me realize it. I wish i had known sooner so i could have been a better friend to the girls. At least i learned. Lets hope i still have a chance to pay my dues and remain in the club, for the most part they have been very tolerant of me. God i need to figure out who i am. I'm already 23 years old, you'd think i was at least a little closer, right? Hopefully my posts won't be so ridden with sadness and questions, sometimes i can be witty. Post a comment in response: |
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