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no, this is not sarah (iamrah) wrote,
@ 2004-04-08 00:14:00
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    Current mood: bouncy
    Current music:Swing, Swing-All American Rejects

    Just another day....
    So, I'm trying to be happy. I'm trying to not care about how things have turned out. I'm trying to not care that I lost a good friend and I'm trying to not think about you saying we weren't real friends. But, how do you forget that? A part of me just wants to talk to you again and forget it all, but I don't know if that is a good idea. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's a bad idea. Steph said that if we do start talking, we have to bring up this. And honestly, I don't think you care that much. I feel like you think you didn't do anything wrong. That's hard for me to understand. I would love to hear how you justify calling me, Jamie, and Steph not your "real" friends. Maybe then I could let it go.

    *****
    I'm going home tomorrow for Easter break. I'm so excited. I can't wait to see all my friends from home and to escape the drama here. It's been a while since I have had a chill night with my hometown homies. I really can't wait to just go back to porch parties with Melissa, Heidi, and Keith. And I can't wait to drive around with Caity and Justin. And just chill with Connor and Dylan and everyone else. It will be a nice relaxing weekend. Well, actually it will be busy, busy, busy because that's always how it is when I go home. Trying to make time to see everyone and calling people and running from one place to another. But, it is relaxing to me. It's nice to always have somewhere to go even if I'm going there just to sit around and talk with my friends. It's so nice to feel that love that we all have for each other. You know? That comfort level that nothing can touch. Plus I get to see MOMO and John-o. That is always so great.

    Me: I can't wait to go home. I get to drink all weekend with Melissa and Keith. I wish you could come with me.
    Steph: Yeah, well I get to go home and go to church with my family.

    Hahaha. Seriously, we are just to cool for words sometimes. I can't even fuck with that.

    Man, next year I'm going to miss Steph so much. She really has become a very good friend of mine. I know that we will stay in touch though. For a long, long time to come. I just know it. And that feeling makes me feel great. There are definately other people from here that I am going to keep in touch with, like Daynola...I love that girl. She's a blast. I'm excited about next year though. Scared and nervous, but excited just the same. It's going to be fun. Especially since I'm pretty sure Dylan is going to go there too. We will most likely have so much fun.

    All I have to do is make it through classes tomorrow, then I get to go home. Plus I get to cash my check, so I will have some money for the weekend. Oh, the weekend. I'm so excited. Although I can't go to sleep. I feel like a little kid on Christmas Eve waiting for Santa. Another problem maybe that I think my insomnia from freshman year is coming back. Because for some reason I can't sleep till like 4 in the morning every night no matter how tired I am.

    That is because I think about things to much. I overanalyze everything. Especially this whole fight. I even find myself thinking about things that I thought I was over already. Apparently I'm not. I did a good job convincing myself that I was over it though. Because I was really confused when I started thinking about it again. I just don't understand why after the way he treated me I just can't forget about him. I think a big part of it is because I'm losing a friend. Actually two. Both of you told me we were friends and now neither of you talk to me. I mean I guess I could talk to you, but it's hard for me. I feel like whenever we do talk it's just so forced. Did you guys forget about me? I didn't forget either of you. I miss it. Oh well. Things change and people change. And we all drifted apart. Maybe some day we will get that back. Like I said, Oh well.



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