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Have you ever met someone, who the sight of made you so happy that actually it made you sad? Because you know they don't realize how much you appreciate them, just for the fact that they're here and they exist. I know I don't stand a chance, but he tries to pacify me.. he's such an amazing person, a genuinely nice guy, and I was so certain they didn't make those anymore. There really just aren't words for him..I can't verbalize any idea of how I feel around him.. I just make jokes, or massage the back of his head..rub his shoulders, anything he wants/needs he gets. I drop everything for him, and he knows by my smile, my incessant giggling that he's got me head over heels. ------------------------------------------------------------------ It's been one year since I broke up with Bruce. We hung out the day before and day of our 'aniversary' (11/30/04-05/09/06) It wasn't awkward or anything. We've been talking a lot more than usual as well. Not a lot a lot but, compared to previously. ------------------------------------------------------------------ And then there was last weekend. I saw Andy and Jimmy for the first time in a while. Thinking back, my first few entries on here were about Jimmy. ..Oh how things change. I ended up kissing Jimmy and lying with him for a while, but I knew what he wanted (somethings never change) and keeping with that theme he still didn't get it. He got fed up with me (I suppose) and left with about half the other people that were with us to go terrorize the boardwalk. Meanwhile I sat and talked with Andy, we held hands and laid together until we fell asleep, which wasn't until sunrise. It was nice to not be alone, you know? If Andy wanted to pursue something I'm pretty sure I'd go for it. He's a nice guy, funny, cute..yea. It pissed Jimmy off too, because when they came back we were facing eachother, his arm around my waist, with our heads tilted so that our foreheads were resting on eachother. How hallmark. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Then, at last, there's Lopez. I don't know him very well yet, but he's a sweetheart so far. He's got a pretty good sense of humor, he's a little off sometimes but, it happens. He's comfortable, it's casual. I talk to him at some point everyday. We kiss, cuddle, all that bullshit, but I guess it's one of those "I'm tired of being alone" situations. He's no Rob. I was telling Niki how everyone's been asking about "us" lately, because I met him through her. She laughed "nah don't worry about it, he's fucking some ghetto girl" She doesn't know anything about us, or she probably wouldn't have said that so nonchalantly. I don't know. -------------------------------------------------------------------- I just don't know where I stand or who I want to run with. But, Ive been conditioned to accept that love is a figment of the imagination. It's all dreamed up, so that we have something to make movies and write songs about, and everyone wants it because no one has it. Hence, it's always on demand. All people seem to be looking for is body heat. The "you'll do for now" way of life is killing me. Post a comment in response: |
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