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There isn't a word to describe how I feel about being let down. I look my dissapointments square in the eyes, and it makes me sick, but I don't hint it in the least on the outside. It's alright though, time heals all wounds after all. 'm still sorry about the way thing's worked out with him, seeing him made my stomach jump and spin, like usual, but in an unpleasant way. And because one is never enough, I call Nick only to hear him slur his speech and tell me he can't do anything tonight, 'stuff came up.' It's just as well. He won't leave Faith, and I wouldn't ask him to. He reminds me too much of James. I can only take that type of personality in small small doses. "They come in threes.." I sat with Niki and Adam and listened to him talk to her, and watched his reactions to what she said, and what he thought she might do, and I know he never felt anything for me, aside from temporary want..lust. I bought the act, I can't take it back, I wouldn't..it isn't so awkward, but it isn't my favorite conversation to play third-wheel in. I vented a little to Jackie, well it wasn't venting because there wasn't anger..it was..reflecting I suppose. But, it's nice to talk. The night wasn't all bad, not at all. I had to close, but Rob was checker. I finished my side work and was finished by 11, when we close to the public. There wasn't any silverware for the checkers though, so me and niki rolled a decent amount. Then Adam sat with Niki..and then Rob sat with me. Niki and Adam left to go to applebees for a drink or two, leaving me and Rob. I was trapped in the booth by him, and he was counting his money. "I guess it's a good way to be trapped." We talked a bit, Angelo joined us for a minute..linda came out and we straightened up a bit. Rob cashed out while I finished Niki's sidework that she didn't do while wasting 2 hours waiting on Adam. I got a hug at the end of the night from Rob, and we walked to our cars together. "G'night hun, and thanks a lot for your help." He's such a sweetheart, he brigthens things up at dingy Red Lobster 748. Lately, as far as relationships and anything under that general classification go, anyone I've been attracted to, has been a primarily physical attraction. "I just want to kiss him" but with Rob it isn't like that. I just enjoy being around him, talking to him, listening to his stories and laughing at his jokes. He's very good looking, don't get me wrong, but that's the last thing on my mind when it comes to him. I enjoy his company. I wish he wasn't 5 years older than me. It doesn't seem like there's a gap or any social barrier between us, but I do know that a girl we work with, who's a few months older than me, actually, tried to talk to him and he said "you're too young." Now, I don't know if he only said that as a way of letting the girl down easily, because no one especially cares for her, or if the age difference would/does actually bother him. I say crazy things to him, I'm overly flirtatious, to a ridiculous extent...where the only response is a wide close eyed smile and shaking of the head. "You're my favorite, you make me smile" 'oh stop it, shut up, you say that to everyone.' But with him a really do mean it. 'I saw you flirting with Mark, I heard it..' "I said I liked his hair, in honesty he couldn't get the time of day, you can have all day all week." and again he shakes his head and chuckles. He acts as if he doesn't believe me, that I'm just being funny..but the funny part is that I'm serious and can just blurt out how I feel..When I like someone I close up I get quiet out of fear, but again he's different. He has the best laugh I've ever heard. He does this weird, almost half hug type of thing, but not quite. It's like the type of embrace where the two involved kiss eachother on the cheek before parting, and I've been tempted, but I don't want things to be awkward..but I think next time I have the opportunity, and it's just us talking somewhere I'll risk it. Post a comment in response: |
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