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But, for what we've become we just feel more alone. More and more I'm being told that I must be heartless, and have no conscience. I almost believe it, I've found the off switch and I'm jaded. I'm only upset because I don't feel bad. I dont feel guilty. I'm a homewrecker more and more. I wasn't single this summer when I was with Paul, and he wasn't free either. He's engaged to the girl he cheated on now, actually. And based on his letters he'd cheat on her again given the chance. Scary thing is he'll be back in the country in August. Also, I locked lips with Brian who lied about being done with Ashley, and I KNEW the entire time he was lying, I knew he was still involved. It didn't go anywhere..in the long run or in the moment, he was agressive but I stood my ground. Although I may be low, I have some standards to uphold. I had strong feelings for both of them, in my defense. I can't say that love makes one blind and ignorant to the world around, because I knew I knew better, I just couldn't help myself. Once there's tha first kiss, the butterflies..I'm in. I'm done. I know at the very moment 'oh no..no not again.." This time it's different. It's more of an "oh, he's cute..he's entertaining." I met him in mid December and he was a sitting duck. Bored? yeah lets hit up ********. If he was working I'd stop by his area and mess with him..throw some words, a wink and blow a kiss..little things..harmless harmless harmless. I didn't know much about him..his name really and that he's friends with a friend. Then sunday it changed. I was there with corey and lisa, and I saw him nad as usual made some cat calls, which were returned and we laughed. "c'mere." 'why?, my ankle's broken.. you come here..i'm not healed yet.' "Just c'mere real quick and gimme a kiss.." ::corey::did he just ask for a kiss? he's crazy omg nicole.. I laughed it off. 'If you want a kiss you've got to come over here, if not then..well..I guess you're beat huh?' and to my slight surprise he drove over, next to me. "get in. talk to me" and then it started. that was sunday. and tuesday. wednesday, and tonight. it's escalating. His girlfriend called tonight. I didn't know about her until after we kissed sunday. too late for change then. He started it, initiated it, it's his prerogative. She sounded worried, scared even. He played it off, "I had to work overtime sorry, i'll be home soon though." She didn't buy it so easily, though I was impressed at how natural he was playing it off. 'You sure? So if I ride by I'll see your car? I'll see you.. okay. Better..' His car wasn't anywhere close. And i was trying not to laugh in the background. Always weigh what I've got against what I left, so progress report I'm missing you to death. someonesaveme Post a comment in response: |
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