 |
|||||||||||||
 |
|
 |
|||||||||||
 |
 |
||||||||||||
This has been going on for years, my Uncle bobby and his constant battle. He had a stroke shortly after his wife died, a little over two years ago. He's in his 70s and it was a harsh stroke. He became paralyzed on one side and lost most of his ability to speak along with that. He was never someone to just sit around, he liked to be up and out and doing things and socializing. It's been over a year since I've seen him. There were 4 brothers, my poppop died when I was in fifth grade, my other uncles either before I was born or before I was old enough to remember, and he's been the last ever since. I've prayed for him almost every night and I've wanted to see him, I thought about him often, but I never could remember how to get to his house, or which house was his, to go see him. He decided that he no longer wants to live stuck in a bed all day, helplessly. And it's no way to live, I have to admit. He doesn't want his feeding tube anymore (decided late monday) and he won't let anyone feed him. His kidneys will shut down, he'll become dehydrated, and die of starvation. He doesn't have long. It's killing me to think of someone just laying down and dying, just giving up. Mentally and emotionally he's all there. Age hasn't taken anything away from him, and I know that if it wasn't for his stroke he'd be up and about right now, stirring up shit. He's always had an unbelieveable rowdy spirit..I guess it runs in the family. I'm going to go look death in the face, I'll see it in his eyes, and I know he'll try to hide it. Last time I went to see him he absolutely lit up, and I'm just sorry that I didn't go see him more. I should have demanded to. But it's too late now, time's passing and he's slowly fading. I know there's nothing I can do, or say to make him change his mind, it's a big decision and he's set on it. He's going to something better, and I know it.. he'll be able to walk and talk and see everyone he's been missing..I feel selfish wanting him to keep on living the way he has been, but it's such a great loss. I'm still young and afraid to die, he's had his time I suppose but it's still too soon, he's cutting himself short..and I can't fathom something of that magnitude. It's like losing my poppop all over again. I thought praying could be enough to help him, to change things..but miracles don't come from crying into your pillow. I want to fast, so that I can feel his hunger, his thirst. I want to refuse to speak so that I can understand his frustration. I know that in reality I can't stick to all of that, the world won't let me. Just the thought of him dying.. just lying in bed hungry and alone it's tearing me apart. I'm going to see him tonight. I'm waiting on stultz. Post a comment in response: |
| © 2002-2008. Blurty Journal. All rights reserved. |