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*Honey* (honeybfly84) wrote,
@ 2003-03-26 00:15:00
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    I feel so confused... my boyfriend's retarded. I want to love him, but I just can't. I know that I need to end this and find somebody worthy of me, but I'm so afraid. And I don't know why I'm so afraid... I have nothing to be afraid of. I'm an attractive woman, I always catch guys checkin me out. And sometimes they'll be so bold as to tell me that they wanna fuck me. But that's just it... they dont want committment, they just want a piece of ass. Like "wham, bam, thank you ma'am." I mean, one night stands and fuck buddies are nice once in a while, but in the end I usually feel used... and I know I'm so much better than that. I'm attractive, intelligent, funny, kind, and I've just got a great personality. I'm really a good person... a great person... and I know this. But most guys dont even care about that. I sometimes get the impression that my boyfriend doesn't even care... He says he loves me, but sometimes I dont know if I can believe him. He doesnt treat me as well as I deserve to be treated. I almost cheated on him today, and in fact I think I would have if I'd have had more time. Because I really like the guy, but he's got a girlfriend and doesnt seem to have any plans of breaking up with her anytime soon... And even if he did, there's no guarantee that he'd hook up with me. He just likes the booty. But he tells me I'm hot, and calls me "baby." I think the fact that he calls me "baby" is kinda fucked up... like I don't think somebody should give somebody else a cute little "pet name" unless they're dating. But I feel so fucked up because I have a boyfriend, and I tell him I love him, and i do try to love him, but I don't. I mean, sometimes I think I do... It's like a fuckin emotional rollercoaster ride. Ha, that's the story of my life... But anyway, I'm depressing myself now, so I'm going to bed.


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