Tsuzuki called me naive, which, in some ways, I suppose I am. After all, it's not like my family ever talked about any of the situations I find myself in with him, and they were practically the only people I had contact with. At any rate, it wasn't being called naieve that bothered me, but the fact that he laughed....
We still haven't gone all the way, but he's done other things to me...that's not right. We've done other things...but that doesn't seem right, either.... I still don't like talking about it at all, even here. It's the second time he's done it, and, just like after the first, he asked me afterwards if I liked it. I understand that he wants to respect my boundaries, but I still wish he wouldn't ask me things like that. What does he expect me to say, anyways?
Plus--no suprise here--another complication has popped up in our relationship. It seems Hakushaku-sama has a shinigami hired to videotape Tsuzuki. I spoke to Tsuzuki about it, and he told me that he never knows when that guy is around, so he can't do anything about it. I've got a sense of him now, though, so I can tell. Even if emotions feel the same from everyone, there are always underlying patterns that I can use to identify people. With this guy it's greed; a lust for money. If I catch him making more of his tapes, I will make sure he's sorry for it.
I'd been thinking lately that I've been entirely too talkative. Then Tsuzuki and I had another misunderstanding, and now he thinks we need to talk more. It's bad enough that he's starting to get depressed again, and I seem to be developing a whole new set of nightmares, but he wants to talk it all out. Talking will probably be the worst thing we could do about our problems. Looking back, it seems that everytime we've had a problem and we tried to talk it over, I would say something to make it worse. I'm just not good with words.
I tried making him strawberry muffins this morning to see if that would help. I don't know that it did. Even though we stayed home from work (apparently he slept in, and he didn't feel like waking me from where I had drifted off at the table) he's been quiet all day, and sort of distant. I've been having trouble reading him lately. I don't know why. Either he's trying to shield himself from me, or my own emotions are getting in the way....
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