I don't know what to do. About Tsuzuki, I mean.
It was so much easier back when he was just a plain old baka. Now everything has been turned upside down, and I can't figure out which way is up.
I've let him kiss me a few times. Why, I'm not sure. Is it because he loves me, or because I love him? It's always been like this. My empathy causes me to feel other's emotions...but I can't always identify my own. I can't tell where others' feelings end and mine begin. That's one reason why I started hiding how I felt in the first place; when the problems with my empathy were just starting. I didn't want to express emotions that weren't my own, and since I could never be sure, I tried to become unreadable.
I don't know what to say to him. The feeling I get when he kisses me isn't bad, but I don't know how I really feel about him. I don't want to lead him on...which is exactly what I'll have been doing if it turns out that my feelings are only his being reflected through my mind.
I do care for him. I have no doubts about that. My empathy was blocked completely when I was a cat, so all I felt were my own emotions. I didn't examine them too closely because my attention was on other things...but I know that Tsuzuki is a very important person to me.
I told him about the problems with my empathy. His suggestion was for us to spend time apart, so I can sort out my feelings. I don't want to do that, though. No matter what my feelings for him are...his presence is still comforting. And...I told him that. And he smiled.
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