My foot no longer feels like it's sinking into the floor when I walk, and I don't use a cane or a crutch at all anymore, even for the long treks across campus and back. I am still limping, sometimes. This is partly because I don't try hard enough not to, and partly because I don't do my exercises, which would probably take care of the problem along with so many others. I don't know why I can't bring myself to do it.
I am feeling weak and angsty in general. I doubt this has much to do with the surgery at all, I think it's just the way I am. I have some pretty severe IBS symptoms that started a few weeks ago and I'm now trying to manage through diet. I've been forced by my stomach to cut caffeine out of my diet, and I'm suffering terribly for it. I've been addicted for half of my life, literally. So, it's not fun dragging myself through the day without any. I don't know what caused the IBS stuff. Apparently stress is blamed for the cause - it's thought to be one of those psychosomatic illnesses, like ulcers or whatever. It's driving me crazy, I hate it.
I think I might console myself by going up to the cafe and getting something light and a hot cocoa perhaps - I can handle that ok, and the tiny bit of caffeine the cocoa has tends to ease my headaches a little.
I still tend to delight in the fact that I can walk and hold things in my hands at the same time. But at the same time, I'm acutely aware of the residual weakness and loss of flexibility in my hip, and I'm extremely anxious to get rid of those things. I want to run and jump and play like I used to and I can't and it makes me sad. But soon winter will be here and the breezy sunshiny days won't be there to remind me of what I want so desperately to do but can't.
Why am I so mopey?
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