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Evil Genius (hidepersephone) wrote,
@ 2005-04-08 10:08:00
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    Current mood: predatory
    Current music:Parasol- Tori Amos

    going under to get through
    Lower yourself
    closer to the underground now.
    Breathe in and hold it.

    Wait.

    You'll get through;
    this earth's crust is liquid.
    Slowly, you will be able to swim.

    don't struggle
    You'll drift out into the pacific and down through the middle of the earth.
    Molten lava cool.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I wake up to find that I am still depressed. I am water-logged and have a headache. I roll out of bed and change out of a shirt that is still splattered with last night's binge. No wonder I get crumbs in my bed. I smoke and squint into the sun wishing it wasn't out yet- or that is had gone away already- same thing. I drink thick black coffee that reminds me of dinosaur bones and oil-refinery... "Terra Nova" sounds so green.
    I come upstairs because my own room is so smothering. And I sit here and think about how easy it would be to die. I could spend today tidying a few things up and then get to the really important work. But I will go about the rest of my day instead. I just need a little longer to muster that energy.
    Why can't I even manage to get in the shower?
    Maybe it is because I can never really wash the dirt off.



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