Evil Genius (hidepersephone) wrote, @ 2005-04-06 00:34:00

one step forward
an infinite number of steps back.
It is late and I am cold and shaking. I have the sudden realization that another day has passed and I got very little done in terms of school work.
Things got messier.
That happens nearly every day.

Today I went to a counselor at school, and it only served to make me feel worse about myself. I did remember how awkward counselling makes me feel. That's not very helpful though.
I went because I thought it was a manageable step towards doing anything to help myself out. Now I am overwhelmed by the difficulty that I would/will/might encounter trying to seek help.
I know it was unreasonable, but I was hoping that I would click with someone on the first go, and I didn't really plan for "what happens if I don't want to see this person ever again."
I am too exhausted to explain what is wrong over and over again until I find someone who can help me. This should be a sign to me. It signals how bad things actually are. When talking to someone for 50 minutes about your "issues" leaves you in a catatonic stupor for the rest of the day, you get the point that in order to function you must block said issues.
Well, I guess I'll go back to avoidance and acceptance for a little while longer.
I'm running out of time though.

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