| Current mood: |  morose |
| Current music: | A Charlie Brown Christmas*Christmas Time is Here (vocal) |
Here's the letter I found lodged in my mail slot yesterday afternoon.
... I don't know if i have accepted this yet. Maybe i have, which is why im writing. i guess its a way to calm myself down. There is no point to act out its not goin to solve anything other than make myself look like an idiot on the train. Ive drowned my sorrows enough already, especially sunday yea i literally drowned them in beer with only 2 hours of sleep. I needed some way to numb the pain. personally i dont agree with it but in that position there doesn't seem to be that many options. But everything i just said really doesnt matter rite now. See, i just got off the sub and now im on the El. The only thing goin through my head rite now is if whether or not i should go see you. Im so lonely right now and i miss CAT so much, but i don't think i would be able to be near "you" right now. I see two souls, and i just cant differentiate between them. The girl ive been loving or the liar that capped my head up. They both look the same, so how do i tell. i can't. Will it comfort me or hurt me to see you. im unsure wht to do. everything is mixed messages "i do want to see you" "i dont" "yes no" FUCK! there is no help for me. i need to make a decision and i need to make it fast. (Already Allegheny) time is growing short. Your a strong character and i kno that you wont break especially because you feel like the only victim. "Everyone has done you wrong including Danny" You are a victim, but so am i.
Fuck times up. im here at the station i think its best if i stay alone rite now, maybe l8r MY HEART AND IS FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW I NEED MORE
TIME
I took this to be a good sign, that at least he's communicating with me and at least he thought of coming to see me, so I called him last night. He didn't pick up so I left a message stating that if he didn't call me tomorrow that I'd buy the most beautiful rose I could afford and sit out on his front step until he came home from school, no matter how cold or windy or rainy. He called back and said that he just meant it as a letter for me to read and that he wanted to be alone so I told him that when he's ready, he knows where to find me. So basically the only reason he called was to keep me from performing my only overt act of love ever.
I'll give him some time, but if I hear nothing from him by Valentine's Day, I'll consider it officially over. I'm not going to hold onto him if he doesn't want me to.
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