I should be asleep
Yeah I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping. Ok, so sometimes I wonder if how I treated "john" was right. Well, obviously it wasn't right in that it was the wrong thing to do. But I feel bad about it a lot. And I mean, its not like he was a bad person or anything. Thats not entirely true, but he's not much worse than anybody else. Its funny I don't know if I believe that he's a good person or a bad person. haha, he's just a freaking lawful evil mage. Sometimes I wish I could still hang out with "john," you know, a la seinfeld and elaine (maybe not quite as close as they are, but at least there not being that awkwardness). Its really a fruitless thing to ponder, but what else am I supposed to do at this time of night? In general I assume that he doesn't dislike me as a person but hates me for how I treated him, which is to be expected. The other one has no excuse. She's just a dramatic child. Regardless, I wonder how things would have turned out differently if I had be forthcoming and more friendly. But ugh, he put me in a situation where it was just too tough to be friendly (like the 15 minute hugs). Umm... yeah, we both fucked up but I fucked up worse. yeah, i soooo need a cig, but I sooo can't smoke in the house and i'm definitely not getting dressed and going for a walk or anything. Oh well. These stupid journals mean absolutely nothing.