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Rob (heart_so_cold) wrote,
@ 2003-10-02 04:43:00
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    Current mood: depressed
    Current music:Tool ~ Sober

    been a while
    Why do i even give a shit any more, i have nothing left in me that is good. I can only see things as negative, it doesn't matter how pure or beautiful something is, i find a way to spit on it or crush it. I hate the way my life is going now, i have no direction and no motivation. I wonder how some people get the courage enough to take their own lives. I dont know why suicide is such a tabboo topic in our world, its merely the escape for those who see no other way to go about things, its for the poeple whov'e tried evrything to do something, but nothing good has come of anything that they have done. I dont know where i could find that kind of courage to surendder my life, the thought of it doesn't really bother me at all, but i know when it comes time to make the cut or pull the trigger, i have no constitution and i end up thinking of how much better it would be if i had just done it. O well, seeing as how suicide is out of the question, i guess ill just stop beeing around people as much, no need to inflict my self destructive personality on others, and besides, i hate beeing around most people, especially the people whove said theyd be there forever for me, yet when i try to be with them as little as once a month or less, they have no time for me. NO TIME FOR ME HUH!!! WELL FUCK YOU!!!! YOU ARE DEAD TO ME NOW!!!! I HATE YOU!!!! YOU ARE NOTHING!!!! So if you think your one of those people(qualifications, you said youd be my friend forever, yet you only see me when its convenient for you, which is only like 1 every other month) then you are FUCKING DIRT TO ME!!!!!!! AND I NNNNNEEEEEVVVVVEEEERRRRR WANT TO FUCKING SEE YOU AGAIN, UNLEES ITS AT THE END OF A GUN THAT IM HOLDING!!!DIE!!!!!!! phew i feal better now that i know what was fucking me up, false friends fucking suck!

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