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Rob (heart_so_cold) wrote,
@ 2003-09-20 04:47:00
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    Current mood: awake
    Current music:Hennry -fucking!- Rollins ~ I know you

    just woke up...meh
    Its been a while since i updated this, not sure how long, and i dont feal like looking at when the last entry was, so who cares? N E way, its been quite an uneventful week. I put in a few applications here and there, Mom reminds me every day how bad i fucked up by quiting my first job for my second job, only to get fired a month later. I couldnt have bee n more happy when they fired my ass though, i HATED that job with a passion that burns true in my soul. It's strange, my friends all say "in this amount of time im going to do such and such, and ill be blah blah blah" but myself; i cant see past what im doing rite now, im not sure if thats for better or for worse. Been a while since i just kicked back and chilled with some true friends though. Havent really done much with other people in a while, although i did ask a friend of mine to lunch, she fucking rules, shes one of those people who you know you could say anyhting to and wouldnt bat an eye at you in a derogatory way, im glad shes my friend, im better off having her as a friend than not, even if she thinx she has goofy specks. I wish i could find my way out though, i have to find what all this is fore. Im not sure i ever will piece it all together though. I dont see myslef wanting to be with anyone either, well there is the one person, but i could never tell her, i just dont know what would happen, and frankly, i dont think i wanna find out, actually; i know i want to find out, just to take the chance would be a big change in the way things are going rite now. I wish i could just tell her..." you know weve been friends for a while, and we get along real well together. I can't lie to myself anymore, you are the only person i want to be with and share things with, and i care for you more than you could possibly ever know." What do you think, should i do it and risk getting snuffed and lose the friendship?, or perhaps for once something turns out rite, and she says, i feal the same way about you, and now the friendship is THAT MUCH BETTER. I would love to be with her, im just not sure i have it in me, i think im gonna find out soon though, iv'e had enough of sitting by and dwelling on what if this or what if that, im just going to do it, i need her with me, and if i can't have her and be with her, then at least ill know it wasn't meant to be. O well, i guess thats all i really wanted to get off my chest tonite, or this morning, whenever it is, yeah....thats it....niters.

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