Marie (heart_paperthin) wrote, @ 2008-12-18 20:41:00

I want to live alone in a shitty studio in a shitty town. This shittiness will be complete when I realize all that I own can easily be placed in the back of my tiny foreign sedan.The only furniture I'll have is a beat up desk that I dragged in from somebody's curb. It'll probably have a wobbly leg that I will keep balanced with past due bills.
Sitting on top of said dumpster desk will be an inexpensive laptop that I probably received as a farewell gift, because I will most certainly be too poor to even afford my eyes wandering off the 99 cent menu at Taco Bell.
I will have a terrible job that will make me want to jerk the wheel to my '92 Honda Accord suddenly, plunging into the icy barrier between life and death.
The only thing that will keep my hand steady time and again will be the fact that I am free; free to spend every spare moment at that desk, concentrating on one of the only things that continually matters in my life.
That one thing is writing, and I know that I've got a lot of work to do before I can successfully jump this hurdle of adolescence I can't seem to get over.
The only time I find myself writing these days is well past midnight. I think that has something to do with my stubbornness and how unwilling I am to let another day go by feeling like a complete failure.
When the feeling gets real bad, I drink coffee and stay awake for hours on end. That hasn't happened in a while, but I can feel that its making its rounds.
I'm suffocating in stresses of a life that I can't break away from because I haven't the courage or even a big enough support group to give me a false sense.
I need Oz but instead am working towards a degree. If I had the option I would choose both paths, the yellow and the red. One is over nearly as soon as it begins. The future is like a wild creature that I will never reign over. I believe I have the heart and the brains; perhaps its the innocence I lack.

Post a comment in response:

From:		Anonymous
		Username:
		Username:  Password:  Login?
Subject:	No HTML allowed in subject
	No Image
	Don't auto-format:
Message:	Enter the security code below. Allowed HTML: <a> <abbr> <acronym> <address> <area> <b> <bdo> <big> <blockquote> <br> <caption> <center> <cite> <code> <col> <colgroup> <dd> <dd> <del> <dfn> <div> <dl> <dt> <dt> <em> <font> <h1> <h2> <h3> <h4> <h5> <h6> <hr> <i> <img> <ins> <kbd> <li> <li> <map> <marquee> <ol> <p> <pre> <q> <s> <samp> <small> <span> <strike> <strong> <sub> <sup> <table> <tbody> <td> <tfoot> <th> <thead> <tr> <tt> <u> <ul> <var> <xmp>