I wrote this for Creative Writing and its getting published.
What’s this ache in my chest? Not in the center but just off to the left side a bit. Those pills I take, first one then two, followed by water, they don’t do anything to dissolve the pain. I lay my hand over the source, and I feel it move beneath me, beating beneath an unbreakable barrier, like a drum kidnapped from its drummer. Sometimes steady, almost confident it will survive, or is it so soft and faint its giving up, other times it’s pulsating against the walls like a foolish man trying to free himself from a cell. I don’t know. Its happy to. It doesn’t always feel heavy and hurtful. Doesn’t always bring tears of pain to my eyes. Smiles. Laughter. It does those to. I should know. I felt it. Once. Long ago. Couldn’t have been that long. Count. 1,2,3,5 years. More? Possibly. I don’t remember the last time I really ever felt joy there. There’s these little glimpses, of just maybe what could be happiness. Little flickers of light in a darkened room. They never last, this gray cloud seems to follow me, letting its juices surge like blood from a slice of flesh onto the flame before it even gets an opportunity to ignite. Damn that grey cloud, it will be the death of me someday. Someday, everyone has a someday. Someday I’ll be rich, someday I’ll have my dream car, my dream house. Ya, someday world hunger will end and war will cease to exist. Someday, never today or tomorrow. Just someday. I have a some day. Some day, I’ll find a way to repair the mirror, repair the annoying drum inside my bothersome barrier. Someday I’ll feel. Ecstasy, bliss, Laughter. Yeah, some day love will treat me right, some day that dull ache will become a distant faded memory. Some day I wont pop these pills anymore. Open mouth, swallow 5 now 6.Someday this will kill me, if I don’t kill it first. Someday.
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